


Part of the Journey

by LiviJoyann



Category: Captain America (Movies), Guardians of the Galaxy (Movies), Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Trailer, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Humor, Home, Homecoming, Hurt/Comfort, Pepperony - Freeform, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), Pre-Avengers: Endgame (Movie), Realistic, Rescue, Resurrection, Returning Home, Reunions, Teasers & Trailers, Temporary Character Death
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-01-07
Updated: 2019-04-29
Packaged: 2019-10-05 21:07:52
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 24,093
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17332379
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LiviJoyann/pseuds/LiviJoyann
Summary: A collection of different stories of Tony Stark's return home from space. Reunions, Fluff, and angst all included. Mostly Pepperony, but also touching on Steve and Tony's reconciliation along with that of the other Avengers. Based off of the first released Avengers Endgame trailer. Post Infinity War.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This story is being set up a little differently. This is the "base chapter". Every chapter following this chapter will each be a different ending to this first base chapter, kind of like a book with multiple endings. I will write a Table of Contents at the end of this chapter so you can navigate to the endings you want.

He repeatedly tried to tell himself it was a peaceful way to go. He guessed there were worse ways… maybe. Drifting off through a void of dark nothing towards certain death by suffocation and a tinge of starvation light years away from everything he knows and loves was  _kind of_ a bummer.

It  _was_ beautiful. That was truly something Tony didn't need to try to tirelessly convince himself of. If he had viable sustenance and a very specific red-head wrapped up in his arms, Tony may actually enjoy this- floating through star-speckled ink, watching everything from comets to distant moons wander by. It was truly an experience that he wouldn't have been able to imagine even in his most vivid, childhood dreams. Tony faintly remembered wanting to be an astronaut for a while when he was little. Nowadays, after New York and now this, not so much.

He was surprised he hadn't cracked up yet. In the past week… it was a week, right? Anyway, he's had two anxiety attacks since Titan. Before everything went to shit, he had gone nearly 3 years panic-free. Sure, it screwed his streak, but again, with everything that happened, Stark would've expected to be freaking out a whole lot more.

Tony expected that it was just all too much at once to process. Numbness was a common reoccurrence within him lately. Everyone dusting into nothing, the kid fading in his arms, Thanos winning, having no way home, running out of food and water, realizing the oxygen was running out, the acute pain in his punctured side, being completely alone… It was just too. damn. much.

"Stark,"

Tony didn't respond the voice, but it was obvious that he heard. Okay, so he wasn't  _completely_ alone, and he was grateful for that. Nebula was alright company. The whole part-robot thing took a little getting used to, but after everything else, that was the least-weird thing he had come across as of late.

When Tony didn't respond but instead kept his eyes focused out the window, Nebula stepped into the cockpit. He felt her eyes on the back of her head, but he was… well, spaced out… while looking at space. Ha.

"I was examining the ships usage and I think if we can figure out how to disable the oxygen in the pod antechamber, we could extend it another day or so. Come and look at-"

"Why?" Tony muttered.

"Because you need it to live, dumbass. Come on."

Tony didn't move. Nebula knew full-well what he meant- What was the point?

"What's one day going to do except prolong the time I have to sit here and wither away?" Tony asked, but not unkindly. He was too tired to have emotion in his voice anymore, or feel it for that matter.

"A lot could happen in one day."

"I appreciate your spunk and slightly irritating relentlessness, but I've been through all the stages already."

"What stages?"

"You know… Denial, anger, grief, and uh… something else, I don't know, whatever. The main point being that I finally got to acceptance so let's let sleeping dogs lie."

From where Tony could see her reflection on the window, Nebula looked perplexed.

"Wh-"

"It's an Earth expression." Tony interrupted, knowing she wouldn't get the idiom before she could even question it. It was quiet for a while.

"I don't believe you." She said, finally walking further into the cockpit and leaning against the wall in front of where Tony sat on the ground. He still kept his gaze out toward the sky. He didn't feel like arguing. He didn't feel like anything.

"I don't really care what you believe, especially not at this point… No offense, Blue."

"I don't think you've completely given up. I don't think you're okay with whatever is going to happen once that oxygen runs out tomorrow-"

"I know what's going to happen when the oxygen runs out tomorrow."

"If you really claim to love that woman back on Ear-"

" _DON'T."_ Tony suddenly found strength within him to barely shout. Nebula quieted- the whole ship did. That was another strange thing about space. There was no white noise, no wind outside, no airplanes going by in the distance… It was silent- completely and utterly silent.

"Don't you dare question what I'd do for Pepper." He said, calming and quieting his voice once again. Just saying her name sent knives through his chest. God, what he wouldn't give just to see or hear her one last time.

"I just mean," Nebula started to say timidly and with slight annoyance, ", that if you're giving up on yourself because you feel like you failed with Thanos or because you're scared of what you'll find back on your home planet, that's stupid. Probably the most stupid thing I've ever heard."

Tony scoffed and rolled his eyes as much as exhaustion would allow. If he was being honest, he did this more to cover up the fact that Nebula caught him off guard by kind of hitting the nail on the head.

Sure, he was terrified of what he'd find on Earth. No doubt, the dusting was a universe-wide phenomenon if Thanos got what he wanted.

And yeah- he hated himself  _just_ a bit right now. They had their chance at the gauntlet.  _He_ had his chance at the gauntlet. He let everyone down. From the day he announced he was Iron Man, he made a worldwide promise to protect everyone. Even worse, from the day he took Peter under his wing, he made a silent promise to do the same for him. He failed. He failed Peter, he failed himself, he failed Pepper for not coming back, and he failed the world. Who knows if Pepper was even still alive?

Ugh… The thought made him feel like puking up the nothing in his stomach.

Nebula stared at him some more. That was kind of her style; observing and brooding.

"How long?"

"Mm…" Tony mumbled while he fumbled with his sleeve to look at his watch that was keeping a countdown until the oxygen, or lack-there-of, would leave him dead. "Like… 13 hours."

"No. How long have you been with this Pepper."

"Oh." Tony said, actually a little shocked to be talking about anything else but his impending death. "Uh… 'bout 8 years."

"Wow. Must be something special." She said, but it just made Tony chuckle. Even when she was attempting to make small talk with light conversation, everything that came out of this woman's mouth was foreboding and angry.

"Yep, she's somethin'" Tony nodded, swallowing the lump in his throat. "Actually, I've known her for 14 or… 15 years maybe? Something like that."

"What took you so long?"

Tony smiled a bit. He did love Nebula's bluntness.

"Well, she's a very strong-headed, independent person. Aaaaaand, it didn't help that I was the world's biggest asshole."

Nebula nodded. They were both looking out the windshield now, Nebulas arms crossed over her chest and Tony's fiddling with the partial hand-piece to his Iron Man suit. He had previously been trying not to dive too deep into memories about Pepper, even though his mind strongly willed to. Stark was afraid that it'd send him into a spaz attack, knowing that there would be no more memories to keep.

This was okay though. He liked talking about her. He liked seeing her in his mind, even if that's the only way he'd ever see her again.

"I remember that night after I finally kissed her. God, I hadn't been that disgustingly giddy since I was 5 years old on Christmas."

"Christmas?"

"Don't worry about it. Anyway, I- I just remember her laughing a lot because I didn't think I could bear to let go of her that night. I didn't care about anything else, just my arms around her… like I was making up for those dumb, wasted years when I didn't hold her like I so badly wanted to. I just- I honest to God couldn't believe it. Probably took me a week to convince myself that it was real life and not the best dream I had ever had."

Tony wasn't even really talking to Nebula anymore, he was just talking out loud and she happened to be there. His own words sent a strange mixture of shivers, warmth, and pain through his chest. Nothing has ever made him so happy and so devastated simultaneously.

"You are to be married now?" Nebula asked in a low voice. Tony was starting to see what she was doing. She was easing his final hours, like giving a pet a bunch of love before going to put them down- that's what it felt like. Whatever. At least she was trying.

"Yeah. That one took me a while too. But I've been kidnapped, tortured, shot, stabbed… My house collapsed on me and I nearly drowned, I carried a missile to space, a moon was recently thrown at me… Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that after all of that,  _still,_ the most terrifying moment of my life was when she left."

Nebula actually looked a little interested in this.

"Actually, now that I think about it, it was like the vice versa of when we got together. I couldn't believe that she was gone. Every single day, I woke up expecting her to be sleeping next to me, and- Well, I don't know. After that and after we worked some stuff out, I knew there was no way in Hell I'd let her go again."

"Hm." Nebula grunted. "I don't know much about that stuff, but it sounds… nice."

Tony smirked. "Yeah. Yeah, it's nice. I don't deserve it, but as long as she's happy."

Never would he be getting this sappy with a stranger, or this sappy period. With Pepper sure, but that was a side of him that was normally reserved just for her. This was kind of a special occasion though, and what did he have to lose?

"So, um… I don't know, what else? You have a family?"

Tony's chest tightened and he didn't know why at first, but he figured it out fairly quickly. This one-on-one conversation with Nebula, specifically that question, and being held captive in space… it was all too similar to when he and Yinsen were stuck in that cave together. Yes, yes… That's right. Tony asked Yinsen about his family and then he asked Stark in return.

_And you Stark?_

_No._

_No… So you're the man who has everything… and nothing._

Yeah, Tony would always remember that. The closest thing he had to family back then was Obi (what a dick) and Pepper. He remembered how it hurt to say 'no' in that cave 10 years ago… Any other time it wouldn't have bothered him back then, but at that moment, with his death imminent and nobody but Yinsen to keep him company in that cramped, dark prison, it sucked. Now here he was again. His death was even  _more_ imminent. He had nobody but Nebula to keep him company and as far as cramped, dark prisons, this damn spaceship fit the bill.

This time was a little different though.

"Yeah," Tony answered, surprising himself with his confidence. "Yep. I do."

"What are they like?"

"It's kind of a cluster-fuck of freaks with strong opinions is the best way to put it. We're a team though... when we decide to be."

"You're close?"

"Uh… usually. Well, before… maybe not now. I'm not really sure. There was kind of a big… a big fight, I guess."

"Happens."

Nebula shrugged as if it were no big deal. Tony remembered Nebula telling him about her sister, Gammorah. The one who made Quill throw away the whole plan, by the way. Tony was passed being mad though. He didn't have the energy.

"You and your sister fought a lot?"

"We're not going to talk about me." She plainly said, pushing herself off of the wall and walking away. Tony scoffed and watched her go. And just like that, it was over- his "final meal before the execution". Knowing Nebula, he guessed he wouldn't get a conversation like that out of her ever again. Now it was time to just sit there and wait to die.

Lucky him.

Tony finally turned his eyes from space to his Iron Man mask that looked up at him from the floor, judging Stark with its sad, half-decayed face. Funny how his suits often physically represented his own state of being.

Tony looked down at the countdown on his watch, then over towards where Nebula disappeared. She was nowhere in sight. She usually liked to sit at the communications board and listen to the static, waiting for someone to finally appear on the radio frequencies. There was no one, of course. The chances of someone flying remotely near them in the random depths of space: laughable.

With her out of ear-shot, Tony figured he had nothing else to lose but apologize to Pepper. He was considering leaving her a video or a note of some sort for a while now- would it help or hurt more? Tony finally decided that never knowing what happened was probably worse than anything. If their situations were ever switched, God forbid, he'd rather hear from her as much as it would hurt to listen to.

Timidly, Tony reached forward and underneath the helmet. He fumbled around for the little latch until he felt it underneath his shaky fingers. Tony depressed the small projection.

"This thing on?" He asked, tapping the helmet lightly with the pads of his fingers. A light projected out of the mask and bathed over him, taking in his features and identifying Stark.

"Boss."

Tony couldn't help but smile at the familiarity of that voice.

"Hey, F.R.I.D.A.Y."

"Boss, I can't help but sense that you are in dire need of vital necessities and I must insist that-"

"F.R.I.D.A.Y. Can you record a little message for me?" Tony asked as casually as his unusually deep, raspy voice would allow. F.R.I.D.A.Y hesitated for a moment, or maybe it was just because the armor has seen better days, but finally Tony heard the sound of the record tone and a tiny red light began to flash on cue inside of the helmet.

Tony took a deep breath.

"Hey, Miss Potts."

Tony sat back and looked down at his hands guiltily. What was he supposed to say? Where was he supposed to start? At what point did he say too much? Too little?

Well, he had to start somewhere.

Clearing his throat weakly, Tony forced his eyes back up towards his helmet.

"If you find this recording…" Tony breathed in deeply. How should he word this lightly? "…Well, um… I guess it's probably a little obvious by now that I'm not coming home. And I'm sorry about that."

Tony cast his gaze downwards again, trying not to focus on how heavy his chest felt.

"You're probably sick of hearing that; the apology thing, that is. This time I really fucked up though, didn't I?" Tony scoffed at himself in a disgusted tone and looked up at the ceiling.  _No tears, no tears, come on, Stark…_ He told himself.

"Just for the record, being adrift in space with zero promise of rescue is more fun than it sounds. An all-inclusive good-for-nothing spaceship with no fuel, an angry half-robot lady, and nothing for lightyears all around, well, it's just a goddamn fiesta up here. Food and water ran out…"

Tony paused and tried to think of the days he's barely been keeping track of on his watch.

"…four days ago? Sounds right. Would kill for a burger right now, by the way. Anyway, more importantly, Oxygen will run out tomorrow morning."

Tony cradled his left wrist with his right hand. He took a staggering breath as he dug up to courage to admit it to both Pepper and himself: "That'll be it."

Tony stopped his movement altogether and just sat in complete stillness for a moment and tried to imagine what it'd be like to just not exist. He's always been skeptical of God and all the jazz, but his Mom was a strong believer. Past being forced to go to church when he was young, Tony has never felt the need to put much thought into it… He guessed that stemmed a lot from his ego. It was a little too late to hop on the Jesus train now.

"I hate to leave you like this. I hate that my last hours won't be spent holding you. Don't- Don't worry about me, though… okay? Don't feel bad about this."

More stillness.

"Part of the journey is the end."

Tony let those words sit with him before sitting up at looking straight at where he knew the small camera to be in his helmet. He gave it a sad smile and imaged seeing Pepper's big, gorgeous eyes on the other end.

"When it does come to that end… When I drift off… I will dream about you. It's always you."

Tony blinked back the haze in his eyes and anxiously tapped his knee to try and distract from the physical pain building inside his chest and throat. His baby. He'd never see his baby again.

"I love you, my future Mrs. Stark." He nearly whispered with a small, devastating half-smile.

Tony wanted to say so much more. He wanted to sit there and talk to "her" for the remaining 12 hours and 23 minutes he had left. He knew he had to keep this brief though- for his sake and hers. Plus, it wasn't helping that his speech was probably eating up a good amount of oxygen. It didn't really matter at this point anyway. 12 hours, 6 hours… What's the difference besides living more time in pain?

Still, Tony Stark reached forward and switched off his Iron Man armor for one last time.

There was a lot going on inside him after he was bathed in silence again:

Relief that he at least left  _something_ for Pepper.

Hatred for himself knowing what this would do to her.

Grief for his own demise, knowing that message was the very last thing he needed or would be able to do.

Tony sat back against the cold, metal chair behind him. He would stand up and actually sit in one rather than the hard ground, but he didn't think he even had the strength to do that anymore. Instead, Stark leaned his head back against the cool surface and turned his gaze out towards the universe once more- a universe that would soon no longer be his.

Tony's eyelids were feeling heavy and he began to question himself- Would he rather spend his dwindling hours asleep and unconscious to the world, or would he rather be awake and alert with his thoughts?

It only took a few moments to decide he was perfectly fine with sleep. That's where he got to see Pepper anyway. He wasn't lying when he said he'd dream about her in his final moments. She had been appearing in his dreams in all sorts of ways over the past week or so. Maybe it was the starvation or dehydration, but some of the dreams were so vivid, he'd honest-to-God think he was back on Earth with her. You could imagine what a stab in the heart it was to wake up on the damn ship after that.

This time, the visions started off in bed in their room at the compound.

_She was right there next to him, one hand cradling the side of his face and the other tracing circles on the skin of his hip with her delicate fingertips. He often woke up like this on good days- Well, on the rare days that he had a full night's sleep and Pepper was awake before him. He loved those days._

_'Hi.' She whispered, sending chills over Tony's spine. Suddenly, he forgot all about that space-prison of his._

' _Hey.'_

_He yawned and stretched, letting one arm drape over her waist and the other tucked underneath his head. He leaned forward and kissed her on the forehead, smelling the distinct scent of her conditioner._

' _Don't forget your two meetings and presentation today.'_

_Tony moaned and rolled his eyes before closing them again. He turned on his back and lets his arm fall over his eyes._

' _You had to ruin it.' He joked._

' _If I didn't say something, you'd happily spend the day away tinkering and you know it.'_

' _Nuh-uh. I remembered. I'm responsible now.'_

' _Yeah?' Pepper asked with a doubtful smile. He didn't see it with his eyes still closed, but he knew her well enough to hear her expressions in her voice._

' _Yep.'_

' _Meeting with who? And presentation about what?' She asked. Her inflection told him she had zero expectation of him winning this one… And maybe she was right._

' _Uh… That guy, you know. The one- one that… And that lady too, yeah…'_

' _Yeah?' She asked, obviously amused._

' _Yep, uh-huh. And the presentation…' He searched through his mind as best and fast as he could to no avail. Man, he really did need to get better at this responsible thing. '…about… technology.'_

_Pepper laughed took his wrist in her hand, gently removing his arm from over his face so that he'd turn and look at her again._

' _Technology, huh?'_

' _Yes, ma'am.'_

' _Just- In general. A broad-scope of-'_

' _Technology. Yes.' Tony confirmed, also smiling a bit now at his own BS. 'You know, Pepper. I really can't help you if you're going to forget all this stuff. You should try being a little more conscientious. Luckily you're hot, so…'_

_Pepper rolled her eyes and laughed, kissing him on the nose before pushing herself out of bed._

' _All the information is on a notepad in your workshop.' She said, standing and pulling her hair into a ponytail._

_Something was off. Tony didn't know what. For some reason, it deeply hurt him to watch her get out of bed. He wanted her to come back. He needed her to. Why was his chest in so much pain?_

_He tried to ignore it._

' _You know, you're not my PA anymore.' He reminded her, watching Pepper disappear into the bathroom._

No… Don't go…

' _I think I'm your eternal PA, Mr. Stark.' She called back._

He woke crudely.

Where was Pepper?

Where was his room?

Where the hell was he?

What the fuck was going on?

Tony gasped in a few ragged breaths of air and scanned the room frantically.

Metal. Darkness. Space.

Oh.

Tony's heart fell. It sank into his stomach like it was pulled through quicksand… or maybe a black hole would be more appropriate in this situation. Maybe his lungs did too because he was finding it mighty hard to breathe.

He hated it. He  _hated_ it… This constant cycle of truly believing he was back home, safe, with her… Then waking up here. Over and over it went, like his own personal Hell. It was at the point where he wished he could just sleep forever so that he could be with her always.

He may get his wish sooner than he thought.

Looking down at his watch, he nearly had a heart attack on the spot: 3 hours, 4 minutes, and 38 seconds left.

37… 36… 35…

How did he sleep that long? He guessed that's what supreme deprivation did to a person. He couldn't stop watching those numbers go down.

34… 33…

He almost wished he hadn't set a timer. Counting down your life… Well, he couldn't think of a more daunting task than that. In fact, it was starting to freak him out just a bit.

11… 10… 9…

Oh, God… He wished he had said a longer goodbye to Pepper before he left. He wished he would have squeezed her so tightly that they would've just, like… melded together forever.

2… 1…

Alright, so only 3 hours and 3 minutes exactly to go. He could do this, he could do this.

The seconds kept ticking by.

56… 55…

Fuck, he couldn't do this.

With some hidden strength that he didn't know he had in him, Tony rocketed up onto his feet, stumbling into the unforgiving wall of the cockpit. His bare shoulder hit with a bang, and before he knew it, his back was pressed up against the biting steel while his lungs fought for air. His heart demanded to break free of the confines of his twisting chest.

The only sound was that of his own panicked breathing. Every part of him trembled from head to toe. His muscles tensed as rigidly as a metal pole.

He knew this feeling. It's been a while. It was familiar in a strange way. Not… comfortable, per se. Nothing about this was comfortable. Lost in space though, well,  _nothing_ was familiar. There was just a strange tinge of sadistic relief that came with the awfulness of this particular panic attack- like welcoming back an old friend… an old friend that he hated, but still.

"Stark? What happened?" Nebula's voice came from around the corner. He ignored her. He couldn't explain even if he tried. All he knew was he had to get off the damn ship. He'd rather die in space, he just couldn't be in here. The walls were getting tired and suddenly the whole damn thing was his floating coffin.

"I- I- Shit…" Tony tried to manage his breathing, but it almost made it worse. He stumbled over to one of the chairs and gripped the edge tightly, bowing his head.

"Are you-"

"I never had a kid." Tony blurted out, not even realizing what he was saying. Thoughts were shooting back and forth through his head like panicked bullets.

"What?"

"I never- Just one… At least one would… And Pepper, I never married- She's not even going to be a widow. What do you call someone with a dead fiancé?" He stammered as Nebula inched forward and put a hand on his shoulder. He jerked at her touch but didn't move. This was the part of the panic attack where he was frozen inside his own body. He had zero control over his movements or lack-there-of.

"I don't know." Nebula said darkly.

"Nothing. That's what, nothing. There's no- no… I haven't seen Cap in years. I have to- I don't know, I have to tell him-"

"Stark, sit down." Nebula said, a tad demandingly. Tony wasn't listening. He just kept thinking of all the things he needed to do, all the people he wronged.

"Do- Do dead people miss things? Will I miss her?"

"Stark-"

"That would suck. Shit, that'd really suck. Will I just eternally miss Pepper!?"

After that, things got a little jumbled. The next thing he knew, he was strapped into one of the chairs facing the windshield. What happened? Did he fall asleep? Why didn't he dream of Pepper?

"You're okay." A voice told him from his right. Tony turned his head and got a rush of pain and dizziness. Not to mention, his right eye was  _killing_ him.

He managed to see Nebula though, scowling at him with crossed arms as she leaned against the doorframe.

"What the Hell-"

"I punched you." She interrupted.

Tony raised his hand tentatively to his right eye and the top of his cheekbone. Even the slightest brush of his fingers sent daggers of pain through his face. He'd be mad but he kind of understood it. He was freaking the f out and she probably didn't know what else to do.

"Um… Thanks?"

"Yeah."

"How long was I out?" He mumbled, looking at his watch anyway.

"Not much. A few seconds, or so. Do you want me to stay?"

Tony noted the 2 hours and 59 minutes left on his watch. He swallowed thickly.

"No." He said softly. "No, I'm fine. Thanks."

She nodded and stood there for a moment, then left. He was alone again. He had already had his fit, though. The dread subsided and he was mostly just numb again. Numb and ready.

Tony looked down at his watch.

2 hours, 58 minutes, and 47 seconds… 46… 45…

' _That'll be it.'_ Tony remembered his own words in his message to Pepper.

…This is it.


	2. Believe Me

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony can't believe he's home.

"I missed you." She softly uttered into his neck where her face was buried. He held her so tightly that he was starting to wonder how she was managing to breathe. He guessed it was okay because she was embracing him just as hard.

"Really? Barely noticed you were gone."

"Yeah?" She played along. He could sense an eye roll in there. Tony turned his head a bit to kiss her on the side of hers. Yep, there was that smell of her hair again. Tony never understood why people went on and on about the smell of girls' hair... I mean, it was just hair, right? How good could it smell?

Now he got it.

For the longest time, it was the only scent he longed to experience one last time before he... Well, now Tony didn't have to think like that anymore.

"Yeah. What's like, two months, right? Nothin'." He continued to tease, knowing full-well how awful it actually was. "Been there done that." He threw in a reference to his time as a captive in Afghanistan. He could feel the muscles in Pepper's stomach jolt as she scoffed. He still didn't let her go. She didn't let go of him either.

"How on Earth did you survive  _two months_ up there?"

"Well, I certainly wasn't on Earth for one thing. Kind of the point."

"Tony, I swear-"

"Okay, Alright, I'm getting there. So I had about twenty minutes of oxygen left. Twenty. That's 1200 seconds of my life left, mind you."

"Yes, you've mentioned that part."

"Yeah, so right in the niche of time a ship- an enormous one I might add- it..." Tony trailed off when he realized the slight wheeze in his voice. He was experiencing a slight shortness of breath. "You going suffocate me right here?" He asked Pepper who didn't let up despite his words.

"Keep going," she said. Tony chuckled and kissed her head quickly once again before continuing... or trying to. It was getting harder while she was squeezing the life out of him.

"Anyway, it must've caught the distress signal that Blue was sending out because within the next ten minutes- Uh- Pep? Hard to talk without air, honey." He choked out.

"That doesn't make sense." She said plainly stated, ignoring his complaints.

"What- What do you mean?" He wheezed. "Jesus. Pep- Babe?"

"The distress signal doesn't work without power. And the emergency power was out by then too." She continued.

"H- ow do you know... that?"

* * *

Tony's eyes fluttered open. In a normal situation, he was sure he'd jolt awake in a much more violent manner but the energy was lost in him. Not to mention, he didn't just dream up that shortness of breath- it was real. It was  _very_ real.

Head lolled to the side resting on his shoulder and eyes cast outwards to that star speckled mesh of darkness, Tony heaved in the thinning oxygen. With what little strength he had left, he raised his wrist just enough to see the countdown of his dwindling lifespan- 22. Not 22 hours. Not 22 minutes. Seconds. 22 seconds.

21.

20.

19.

On top of the lack of O2, his chest had never felt heavier on the inside. These dreams he was having, they just kept getting crueler. They were more vibrant, more realistic, more plausible and likely to be real. Tony was sick of falling for it but at the same time, those moments when he truly believed he was home with Pepper were the only things that made him feel anything.

That one stung though. He's never felt such heavy disappointment as believing in his safety on Earth with every inch of his being and then waking up to 20 seconds ticking down to the end of everything.

14... 13...

Tony's lungs fought hard for air. It hurt to breathe. He was sick of his own sad gasps filling the silence around him. His head was starting to feel light. His eyes couldn't focus. His body was too weak to move, save for his fists that he clenched in discomfort as the struggle for air became more and more a losing battle. His heart was beating fast with the panic that arose from the lack of something so necessary. He was scared.

No, he was terrified.

What would Pepper think of him when he didn't return? After he promised to always come back to her? He promised her a wedding and all she would get would be a funeral. That is if they ever found his body.

_I'm sorry, Pepper. I'm so fucking sorry._

6... 5... 4...

Tony felt his eyes get heavy. The air was gone now. There was nothing. It was the strangest thing to not be underwater but unable to breathe. Everything was still.

1... 0...

Stark's body resisted a bit, his chest convulsing and begging for the sweet release of breath, but soon a tiredness set in and the torturous segment of initial hysteria was over. His muscles went lax and his mind drifted as if he was at peace... Yeah. Sure.

Closing as slowly as ever, his eyes took in the last thing he'd ever see- the same thing he had been staring at for almost 2 weeks. Loneliness. Failure. And a bunch of fucking stars.

He thought of the people he loved in his head one last time, trying to save so many memories for... Whatever was next. He didn't know. He just hoped he could take their images with him.

His fiance, his team, his pain-in-the-ass best friend... He said a thousand apologies and countless silent goodbyes.

 _Part of the journey is the end._ His own voice echoed in his head again.

_The end._

* * *

A tight pain in his side was the first thing that was noticeable. It wasn't  _killing_ him or anything. It was more of a dull ache accompanied by a subtle throbbing.

There were sounds- Earth sounds. Normal sounds.

His eyes fluttered open for a second but he squeezed them shut immediately. It was blinding and his head felt like it was being smashed in between two oncoming semis. He took this time to focus on what he felt instead: blankets weighing down on him, a pillow underneath his head, something sticking into the skin of his arm and... someone grazing their fingertips along his cheekbone so gently that he wasn't actually sure they were there.

Tony meant to say something cohesive, but it just came out as a quiet groan. The hand- well... he was guessing it was Pepper- raked through his hair gently before resting on the side of his face.

Stark decided to try again. He forced his eyes open and focused forward and there she was, lying on her side facing him with tears sneaking down her face. She broke into a smile and sniffed, quickly wiping her eyes with her free hand. She looked exhausted like something has been wearing on her for  _long_ before this moment.

"Hi." She whispered. He could hear the swell in her throat.

Tony knew he should reply- that was the right thing to do- but he had been through this so many times that he was kind of past formalities. Instead, he tentatively reached forward with a hand that didn't even feel like his. The pads of his fingertips just barely made contact with the skin of her face, tracing from her eyebrow down to her lips where he took time to fascinate himself with how  _vivid_ this all was... how  _cruel_ to be more specific.

It felt like he was being stabbed all over again, but not quite with the same effect. It just hurt him so badly to know that this was all he wanted but what he could never have.

"...you okay?" she asked, slightly amused and equally confused as he continued to explore the details of Pepper.

In his mind, he was thinking a thousand ways of marveling at how intensely his mind was trying to trick him, but it only came out as a half-mumbled "...so real..." from his lips. Pepper's eyebrows pulled together.

"What?"

Tony let his fingertips drop from her skin and instead he used all his strength to push himself forward and duck his head down. He pushed it against where her shirt covered her abdomen, nestling his face in the fabric. Pepper returned her hand to the mess of his hair on the back of his head, combing through. He sighed happily into her stomach and relished in the familiar feeling.

He might wake up on a spaceship suspended lightyears away at any minute, but that was later and now was now. Tony gave into what he truly wanted to do- just whole-heartedly enjoy the illusion.

"I'm going to get Bruce in here." She said, her voice strained like it got when she was stressed. Tony yanked his head up and caught her wrist in his hand before she could reach too far for her phone.

"No! No offense, he's great. He'd  _kind of_ ruin this though."

"Wh- Ruin what? Tony, you're acting weird-"

"Can we just-"

"-and I don't know what you're-"

"-go back to what we were doing before and-"

"No. No, Tony- Tony. Your brain was deprived of oxygen for a while and-"

"Don't- Don't do that."

"Do what?" Pepper demanded, obviously perplexed by his behavior.

"Trick me. Convince me."

It was quiet. Pepper stared at him with eyes in turmoil. They were frozen, studying each other. Tony was propped up on one elbow still, and quite frankly, it was killing him.

"You're scaring me and I'm calling Bruce."

"No! No..."

"Tony, I'm serious-"

"No, Pep.  _I'm_  serious. I can't do- I can't do  _this_ over and over. Believe this whole-heartedly and the- the- then wake up to-"

"Tony. Tony, hey." Pepper put her hands on either side of Tony's face and turned his eyes to her. She looked scared. He felt a tinge of guilt but he knew this routine. He's been through this dream at least twenty times before. "...you know this is real, right?"

Tony and Pepper looked into each other's eyes for a stretch of time. Hers begged him to be grounded again and he was sure his own were speckled with doubt. Finally, he was the one to break it.

"Can we please just lay down again?" he asked tiredly, dropping his arm so he could go relievingly limp on the bed again. He would admit he felt more of a pounding pain and nausea than in his usual illusions. Pepper didn't let him relax for more than half a second. She pulled him back up into sitting position.

"Listen to me! Hey- you almost died Tony. They got to you a few minutes after the oxygen ran out and- We can talk about it later, okay? But you're home, I promise."

"No. Okay, because as soon as I believe that I'll wake up on that piece-of-shit ship. Starving, dehydrated, bleeding internally- sometimes externally- and nothing to look at but the fucking timer hanging a rapidly decreasing number over my head, counting down to the second where I won't be able to even imagine you anymore-"

"So what? Your plan was just to give up?"

Okay, things were getting more heated than he had intended.

"My plan is to realize that we failed. I failed. That- that nightmare... The one I kept having for 6 fucking years. It's real. It's now. The Doc's gone, Thanos is gone, and the- the kid... I know there's only half of an Earth to even come home to as if it was even the slightest bit plausible that I'd be able to make it. I don't know if there's even a "you" to return but if there is I know you'll be okay. I know you'll be okay without-"

Pepper suddenly stood up out of the bed, stopping him cold in the middle of his rant. He realized he was gripping the sheets in his fist tightly and his breathing was fast. Mostly, Tony was focused on his fiancé whose face suddenly went white. Her expression dropped to numbness and her eyes glazed over.

"I need to step out." She said quietly. She turned quickly and walked out while pulling her hair up into a ponytail. Before she even got her hairband off of her wrist, she was gone. Tony was left alone.

...That... wasn't normal. What she was claiming though... It wasn't possible.

Right?

Out of all the times he envisioned lying in bed with Pepper in his arms, why would  _this_ one be the one that stuck?

Shit.  _Shit._ He fucked this up, didn't he? God, his mind hurt. A lot of things hurt and that was another thing that made him think that maybe...  _maybe_ this wasn't as unbelievable as his rational mind would have him believe.

Either way, he just really upset his girlfriend and he hated that idea whether it was in a dream or not.

Wincing, Tony yanked the IV out of his arm. With gritted teeth, he eased himself onto his feet and took a quick step towards the door...

...and just as quickly hit the floor. A rush of nausea gripped him tightly and refused to let go. His head split open in pain and the wound in his side twisted into an agonizing knot. His body hitting the hard ground didn't do him any favors either.

Still, Tony pushed himself up despite everything. He squeezed his eyes shut until nausea subsided enough to stand again. Now, more slowly, he made his way out of the medical bay.

He made it to the hallway. It all looked the same as he left it. That fact that he hadn't "woken up" yet if this was in fact a dream, well... that was something.

He walked past the gym, the pool, the downstairs bathrooms and-

The giant living room- the giant living room full of Avengers to be more specific. Familiar faces and weird, new ones... they  _all_ turned to watch him stumble into the room. There were about half-a-dozen of them in there. Instantly Tony recognized Natasha, Rhodey, Bruce... Uh... Was that a... was that a raccoon?

Then Cap. His eyes froze on his friend's (if that's what he could call him still). They locked gazes for a while, Cap sitting with his stupid-straight posture and Tony standing behind the big "L" couch while clutching his side.

"Interrupting, am I?" He muttered, breaking his gaze with Steve and noticing the awkward atmosphere of the room. No one answered, but he wouldn't have paid attention anyway. This was all a lot to process and it wasn't helping that the walls were getting tighter. A familiar feeling gripped his chest.

_Are you kidding me? Now?_

"Tony... Hey, man. Are you- You doin' okay?" Bruce spoke up. Tony swallowed thickly and gripped the couch in front of him. Something heavy fell onto his shoulder, making him jump. He looked up to see a face he hasn't seen in a  _long_ time.

"Stark." The deep Asgardian bass filled the air. The surprise of the god towering over him actually scared the impending panic attack away. Tony didn't even know that was a thing.

"Thor." Tony finally managed. He turned his attention back to the room, trying to focus on what was most important at that moment. "Has anyone seen Pepper?"

More quietness. Then...

"She's not with you?" Rhodey asked. Tony took a stuttering breath and ran his hand through his tousled hair.

"Fuck..." he whispered under his breath. He was starting to feel like he was going to have to believe it this time. So if this  _was_ real, then he just screwed it up big time. Spouting self-deprecating BS about his death acceptance was probably not something Pepper wanted to hear after finally getting him back from space after a couple of weeks. If he heard Pepper say anything remotely close to "you'll be okay without me", he'd freak too.

Tony was aware of the eyes on him as he stumbled out of the room, but his mind was set on Pepper and only Pepper. Where did she go?

He found her outside on the third-floor patio. She sat on the ledge of the large balcony, looking out on the landing field. He watched her through the glass doors as he approached before pushing through into the fresh air.

Holy Jesus, he's never felt something so amazing. It was warm but not hot out and there was the most amazing breeze... The setting sun was casting an orange glow over everything and the trees made sounds, the birds made sounds, the wind made sound...

It was good to be home, to say the least.

As soon as Tony took a moment to appreciate being outside, he was distracted by what Pepper was holding. She had a small box in her hand and was pulling out-

"Woah! Hey, what the hell?" Tony rushed forward and dropped to one knee, yanking the box of cigarettes out of her hand and chucking it over the side of the building. They watched it tumble three stories down.

"Hey-"

"Don't 'hey' me. What the fuck is that about? I thought you haven't smoked since after college." Tony slurred out quickly, not at all expecting this. It was such a minor part of her life in the grand scheme of things, but she had mentioned how hard it was for her to quit after smoking throughout highschool and college- a bad habit she picked up from her Mom.

He turned to shoot Pepper a confused-with-slight-accusation look but noticed how red her eyes were. She turned away and wiped her face quickly. Stark shifted his weight cautiously to ease himself to sit next to her.

"Yeah." She answered, sniffing afterward. "But then aliens took over, my fianceé ran away in a spaceship, half the world disappeared and I was starting to think you weren't ever coming back so... I was trying everything."

She and Tony sat side by side but it felt like they were still lightyears apart. That was his doing, he knew it. He didn't blame her for feeling hurt by his lack of faith or effort in returning to her, but he also didn't entirely blame himself. As far as he could remember, he was as good as dead. How they managed to find him he had  _no_ idea.

Right now, it didn't really matter.

He gave it a few more seconds before he couldn't take it anymore. Leaning into her shoulder, Tony threw his arms around Pepper's waist, burying his face in the place where her neck met her shoulder. He breathed in deeply and sighed in relief. There was something about when he finally made long-awaited contact with her that lifted every weight that sat on his chest.

Thankfully, she turned to press a kiss on the top of his head. She wriggled her arms free of his hold and wrapped them gently around his shoulders. One of her hands lightly made circles over his back, sending chills through his body.

"You're probably tired of hearing it, huh?" he asked, his voice slightly broken with guilt.

"What?" She asked, just as quietly.

"I'm sorry."

Pepper gave it a thought. She half-shrugged with the shoulder he wasn't currently collapsed on.

"Doesn't hurt." she mused. Tony smirked into the skin of her shoulder, kissing up to her neck. He nuzzled and kissed her until he got at least one giggle. Tony couldn't count how many times he's used this tactic to make her feel better.

"I believe you." He finally whispered, laying back down on her shoulder and tightening his embrace.

As soon as the words fell from his lips, it hit him hard. He was home. He was safe. He was alive. He was holding his gorgeous bride-to-be who was also alive. Stark closed his eyes and shuddered. He had never felt relief like this, and there have been  _many_ occasions that called for relief after evading death throughout his lifetime.

"Yeah?" She asked. He heard a tinge of disbelief in there. "What changed your mind?"

Tony sighed and shrugged.

"I don't know... I mean, ultimately... I had so many dreams that I was with you again in every type of situation. Never though, would I ever willingly imagine you upset."

He felt Pepper's body relax under his touch. He shifted his head just a bit to be able to look up at her face. She glanced down at him and smiled a bit, rolling her eyes.

"You always know what to say to make me a sucker for you." She scoffed. Tony smiled and reached a hand up to brush away a few strand hairs from her face.

"I mean it." He defended. She caught his hand in hers and kissed the back of it before holding it in her lap. She brushed her thumb of his knuckles, studying his hand in silence for a good while. Tony closed his eyes again, nudging his head against her neck before going still and feeling his hand in hers and the wind on his back.

"You still don't fully believe it, do you?" She finally asked. Tony sighed.

"Okay, for the  _most_ part, I believe it. I want to fully be on the same page, I really do-" He said, finally starting to sound like his normal, slightly sarcastic and fully charismatic-self. "- However, there is a gun-wielding raccoon in our living room, Pepper."

Pepper laughed.

"Who's ship did you think you were on?"

"Not a woodland animal's."

"Fair assumption."

After that, things faded together. Not in a bad way- not in the hallucinogenic, deprived of everything in space way- but with the overflow of relief and long-awaited feeling of safety, sleep seemed like the next thing.

Tony drifted in and out for who-knows-how-long. He just knew by the time he returned from an illusionless sleep, it was nearly dark out and the breeze turned from warm and comforting to slightly cold and biting. Pepper was kissing the top of his head and playing with his hair to bring him back to the land of the living.

"As much as I want to stay out here alone with you forever, I'm not the only one who wants to make up for lost time." She said in a low voice. Tony groaned rubbed his eyes. He turned and kissed her collarbone. "Your team missed you, Iron Man." She continued, bringing up his face to hers with a hand on his jaw.

Pushing his forehead against hers, Tony leaned in and kissed her. She wrapped her arms around his neck and pulled him in closer. He tried to freeze time at that moment as if it were an option. What she said sounded good to him- staying with nothing but each other forever. But...

"And-" Pepper added, pulling back from him. "I think they found us."

Tony's eyebrows furrowed for a second before he turned to see what she meant. His friends and the newbies were all gathered there at the windows, Nebula included. When he made eye contact, their attention scattered as if they were never spying.

"They're like a bunch of needy kids," Tony mumbled.

"Oh stop."

Tony took a deep breath as Pepper stood, pulling him to his feet as well. She took his hand and interlocked their fingers. He got one more quick kiss on the cheek in before they started heading inside.

"Alright. Let's face the masses."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The next chapters will be alternate versions of Tony returning, rather than a continuation of this version. The next update, "I Got You", we follow Pepper in her rescue of Tony and their reunion in space.


	3. I Got You: Part 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper deals with Tony being gone.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm really running with this version so I'm making it two parts. Enjoy and let me know what you think.

"Funnel all calls through our database. Prioritize."

"Keep all past SHIELD-connecting lines open and watch for signs of any communication attempts by Hill or Fury."

"I want the perimeter expanded five miles each way. We're on level 3 security."

Pepper's footsteps clacked through the chrome hallways of the compound. She's been sorting things and throwing out orders around all day. Tony was gone and someone needed to step up to make sure the whole place didn't burn to the ground, especially at a time like this. Sure, Steve and the whole gang was back, but they haven't been home for nearly a year. She knew much more about running the building than they did and besides, it was the only thing that was distracting her from the fact that it had been nearly two weeks since her fiancé disappeared, along with half of the world.

A lump formed and then quickly dissipated in the back of her throat.

No time. There was no time for that.

She had to get Bruce what he needed to repair weapons, enhance the security around the base, find the code to unlock Cap's original shield Tony has hidden away, give the visiting Wakandans rooms to stay in and-

"I swear I'll shove that fairy wand right up your ass!"

"I think your head would make a nice addition to my wall of game."

Pepper stopped in her tracks and turned to walk the other way. She pinched the bridge of her nose as the distinct sound of Rocket and M'Baku's voice rang through the entire compound.

Not-so-surprisingly, whenever you put a bunch of high-testosterone, stong-opinionated superheroes in proximity, things got ugly fast. She swore no one  _ever_ got along right off the bat. Tony used to be the worst instigator of this trend, but they seemed to be doing fine in carrying on the tradition without him. What she would give now though, to be pulling him away before he pissed off the wrong superbeing with his sarcasm and stubborn ego.

She missed even his most frustrating qualities. She just plain missed everything about him.

"Fuck." Pepper whispered under her breath, quickly wiping away an involuntary tear. She focused on the sight of a bunch of huge guys up in each other's faces... and then Rocket.

"Hey!" She yelled over the battling voices. Thor's face was but an inch away from M'Baku's, both of their chests puffed out defensively. Rocket was swinging his space gun around- the one that was bigger than him. Steve had a hand reached out defensively to gesture Okoye to calm down. She had her spear gripped tightly in her steely arm. Bruce had both arms raised and was looking back and forth, trying to offer reason. Natasha and Rhodey were trying to disarm Rocket before he destroyed something or worse.

Nonetheless, no one listened to Pepper. Steve was the only one who turned his eyes to hers, offering a glance of sympathy and the question of 'what-do-we-do'.

It was interesting, her and Steve's dynamic the past week or so. Pepper remembered when she went to the compound as soon as the world went to shit. She was in the middle of restoring order with the half of the staff they had left when they were alerted that a quinjet was arriving.

_"Miss Potts- Quinjet A67 is requesting landing."_

_This was the quinjet that Rhodey signed out. She saw it herself in the logs. Why? She did not know._

_"Yeah. Yeah, okay." She said, still at a loss for words after the whole dusting of half-the-planet._

_She stood in the front entrance hallway, waiting for Rhodey to step through the doors-_ praying  _that Rhodey would step through the doors. She had no idea who was left and who had been decimated. Right now, next to Tony of course, he was the person she wanted to see the most._

_With a dramatic swing of the front doors, her heart sighed a relief for the first time in forever. Rhodey was fine. Even better, he wasn't alone._

_A whole pack of familiar people walked through those doors. A tired, beaten, depressed pack of people... and Cap was at the front. It was awkward to say the least, watching him walk the long stretch of the hall towards her, their eyes saying a billion things at once. The first thing that came to her mind seeing him there was the image she had made in her mind of him and Tony beating the shit out of each other to near-death. After that, just seeing Steve in the compound setting made the entire place tense. She didn't know his standing on the whole situation. It had been a year, but still, what happened between those two was just_ bad.

_When he stopped five feet from her though, all of those anxieties melted. The look on face told her that with everything that had just happened, there was zero room for any past discrepancies. Tony was missing. The world was destroyed. This Thanos guy won. They were both in the same boat- grieving and lost. His eyes were the saddest she'd ever seen, but it wasn't for himself, she could tell. They were sad for her. They were sad for his team. They were sad for the planet of people they let down._

_"Cap." She forced herself to greet. "Nat... Everyone."_

_Natasha was a big win too. Pepper has known her since she and Tony started going out. It was good to have that familiarity. Not good enough to stop the pain behind her eyes and in the back of her throat though._

_She was glad that they were okay, truly. It just reminded her that Tony wasn't there with him._

_"Pepper." Steve said, his voice rich with sympathy. There was a beat of heavy silence. He offered a sad smile and somehow it broke down every defense she had built up in herself. She breathed heavy and he stepped forward, wrapping her in a hug. The tightness in her chest loosened a little, feeling his comfort blanket her the best it could. This is who she needed to be around right now- both friends that shared her worry for Tony and warriors who would stop at nothing to get this fixed._

Back to present time, she realized she was too hopeful in thinking that the remaining Avengers could work together just like "that" and agree on an angle towards finding a solution. When they weren't brooding, they were fighting. When they weren't fighting, they were brooding. Pepper swore, she and Cap were the only ones holding it together and out of everyone here, she felt like she would be the one losing it the most, considering.

Thor: "You think you're a leader?"

Bruce: "We can't afford to be losing our heads here!"

Rocket: "Say it to me one more time! ONE MORE TIME!"

Okoye: "We must do things differently in Wakanda than whatever planet you scurried out of!"

Pepper ran her hands over her face in frustration as things picked up pace. She didn't need to open her eyes to know that the brink of physicality arrived. It started with Thor's growl and a crack of lightning followed by a hearty should from M'Baku. Pepper lowered her hands to see the room split in two, each side ready to pounce into battle. Everything bubbled up inside of her- the stress from running the whole damn facility, the pain she was pushing down from missing Tony, and most of all, the frustration that these were supposed to be "Earth's Mightiest Heroes" and they couldn't even get past putting their dicks back in their pants.

Before she knew what she was doing, an eerily familiar repulsor charge-up sound broke the air. The high whine followed by the accompanying blast caught everyone off guard. If that didn't, then the giant support beam being blasted from the ceiling to the ground did. In a rain of dust and debris, the angry masses were cut of from one another... and it was Pepper's doing.

All eyes turned to her to see Pepper's arm outstretched stiffly, encased with Iron armor.

Honestly, she was just as surprised as they were. Not at the fact that she could conjure her own armor- it was something Tony had developed for her a while ago, despite the fact that she said she didn't want it. It projected from a bracelet Tony made her so that she could always be protected inconspicuously. She hadn't worn it too often before, but ever since he rocketed off in that damn ship, she never left without it.

Pepper wasn't sure what possessed her to shoot her arm forward and use it now, nearly blasting the entirety of the Avengers to death. She was just fed up she supposed, and impulse took over. She was starting to think that all of these emotions she was pushing down might not be healthy.

Breaking the stillness and shock of the now-silent room, she let her arm fall and the armor retracted. Her shoulders slumped and her hands returned to rub her eyes tiredly. A migraine was spreading through her head like wildfire.

"Just-" She started, but didn't know how to finish. The room was hanging onto her every word. "Keep your  _fucking_ shit together.  _Please_."

She didn't yell. She certainly didn't ask nicely. They were strained words, pushed through her gritted teeth. And then, that was it. She turned and left, muttering "Earth's Mightiest Heroes my ass..." under her breath. Strange, it was like she became more like Tony in his absence. Ugh... She loved him to death but that's definitely  _not_ what she wanted.

The rest of the day, everyone was pretty damn nice to her. They shut their mouths and cut the pity crap- things started bustling in a good way again rather than the recent chaos. She finally felt like she and Cap weren't the only ones with their heads screwed on right.

Maybe that was a gross overstatement. If she had everything together then what would explain the nights? Because while Pepper may put on her strong face during the day, she was almost a completely different person when the sunset. She was hoping that after her not-so-little outburst earlier that'd she'd be emotionally spent and just sleep for once.

Wouldn't that be nice.

Pepper closed the door behind her, leaving her bathed in a lonely, deep blue moonlight that drifted through the giant windows of the bedroom her and Tony shared whenever staying at the compound. She hated it when he was gone. She hated that smell that she loved- a mix of his favorite cologne, his shampoo from the bathroom, and a  _tiny_ bit of motor oil from the clothes he throws in the hamper after working in his shop. She stood there for a while, letting those eerily familiar senses pierce her insides.

Something strange happened to her while she was in here. Her heart pounded, her hands shook, her mind shut down, it became hard to breathe... Still, she knew somewhere in her automatic mind that she had to get out of her dress clothes and into pajamas. She made slow, stiff movements to do so, like her joints were frozen. Her body physically ached so that didn't help either.

She entered their walk-in closet where some of Tony's t-shirts were still scattered on the floor just as he left them. She didn't want to ever pick them up or move them an inch- doing so would somehow be getting rid of evidence that he was just there, just by her side not too long ago. Removing them would be like removing Tony himself.

She couldn't bear the thought.

A minute later, Pepper was sitting on the edge of their bed in her pajama shorts and one of Tony's Jimmi Hendrix T-shirt. She's been doing this lately- torturing herself with the smell and feel of his clothes. She felt like she needed to though- she needed to get close to him and she needed to hurt. That stabbing in her chest just reminded her that he was real.

It reassured her in some twisted way. If Tony was hurting then she wanted to be too.

Scooping up an arm-full of blankets and pillows, Pepper left their room with a small click of the door latch. Stepping back into the empty, equally dark hallway, she felt the room's anxiety-ridden hands release their crippling grip. She could never stay in there long. If she did, she'd crack up; she knew it.

The living room was illuminated by a single table lamp someone forgot to turn off. It's warm, yellow light flooded a comforting haze around the contrasting midnight-blue of the rest of the compound. Pepper threw down her bedding under the light, having to plans to ever turn it off.

Sitting and sinking into the mountain of blankets, she pulled her knees to her chest. Her hands gripped the sides of her legs so tightly that they looked as white as a skeleton's. Pepper's eyes got stuck in a stagnant gaze forward. She felt like she couldn't move or breathe... maybe she wouldn't have to exist if she didn't.

Soon, she wished she did have the will to do  _something_ because in the stillness of the night, the terrible thoughts started leaking in. First, it was a tiny trickle:

Flash images of Tony in some god-forsaken desolate land, alone and at the mercy of the elements. No food. No water.

Or, maybe he never even made it anywhere but the ship. Maybe he was killed right there.

Maybe they took him. Maybe they were hurting him. He could've been in an array of unimaginable, excruciating pain, near death and wondering why no one has come for him yet...

She couldn't help the thoughts as they became a flood.

Tony being shot.

And shot again.

And again...

Tony starving.

Tony slowly bleeding out.

Tony crashing on the ship.

Tony suffocating without oxygen.

Pepper shot up from the prison of her own frozen body. She rushed to the kitchen adjoining the living room and threw herself over the sink, feeling her stomach convulse inside her. She coughed up empty air. There wasn't much that she could throw up even if she wanted to.

Her body was racked with a billion mini convulsions. She felt like even her bones were shaking inside of her. Nausea gripped Pepper tightly and wouldn't let go, heat washing over her in waves.

This wasn't too uncommon as of late. It was like she was refusing to address the terror that lived under the surface of her steely appearance during the day so her body compensated at night.

The mornings were similar. Very often she was finding herself sitting next to the toilet, puking up whatever breakfast she forced herself to eat. That was for a different reason though. A reason she didn't even know how to handle right now.

To keep things brief, Pepper was pretty sure she wasn't solely fighting for her own survival right now...

Maybe that was the only reason she was able to keep going sometimes. The only reason she could eat that bowl of oatmeal Rhodey made for her. The only reason she could get out of bed to get some form of exercise. The only reason she insisted for herself to maintain some version of calm when her body craved to shut down.

...Because she didn't know much yet, but she knew stress wasn't good for unborn children.

This may have been the single worst time to have to fight stress.

It didn't help her all-consuming longing for Tony either. Every time she thought of that little thing growing inside of her, she thought of how he should be here. They should be excited together.

She knew he'd be obsessed immediately. He'd get ridiculously protective and doting. He'd talk to it, not caring that it was probably just a few cells at this point. He'd talk about all the things he'd teach him or her- that'd they'd go to Harvard or MIT. He'd joke about making Iron Baby armor and Pepper would shoot him down faster than he could get the sentence out.

He wouldn't stop being able to touch his fingertips to her abdomen. He'd already be buying things left and right- clothes, toys... maybe build them a room on impulse one day. Who knows with Tony?

The point being that she felt irrevocably robbed of all of this.

And worse... what if she never got it at all. Would their baby never meet their Dad?

_Oh my god..._

Pepper coughed up more air as her stomach twisted. When she stabilized a little, she straightened and wiped her tears on the shoulder sleeve of Tony's shirt. She took her quivering hand and took a glass from the overhead cabinet, filling it with water and encouraging herself to drink, even if it was just going to come back up later.

She took a minute to compose herself before turning... and coming face to face with Steve. He stood at the entrance of the kitchen in sweats and a T-Shirt, his hair tousled like he was coming from his own restless night of failed sleep.

It nearly scared her half to death.

"Sorry, I was just-" Steve tiredly pointed to the fridge, second-guessing his words for a brief pause. He dropped his hand and looked at Pepper with weary resignation. "I'm going to make us some soup."

Half-an-hour later, she and Rogers sat on the living room couches with steaming bowls of soup in hand and eyes turned to "The Twilight Zone" on the TV. They didn't talk about the things that weighed on both of their minds. The only thing they really conversed about was the soup (Steve's Mom used to make the  _best_ chicken noodle soup that he memorized how to make) and "The Twilight Zone" (a show that Steve was disappointed that he narrowly missed as it came out a decade or so after the war).

It felt good to not be alone that night.

More distractions. More dangerous glimmers of hope shared among two people fighting for their and everyone else's sanity.

Before she knew it, Pepper was waking up to the light of dawn fading through the glass walls. She didn't even remember falling asleep. Blankets were laid  _extremely_ neatly over her in a way that she knew only a soldier would take time to do. Steve was gone though- the TV turned off and the soup bowls already cleaned up.

She sat up and yawned, feeling her heart coil with the usual morning panic that came with remembering all that burdened them. It was a routine when she woke into consciousness to make a list of everything that has gone to hell.

Tony's gone. Maybe dead.

Half the world was decimated.

Order was ravaged.

No one knew what to do.

And here it came again- the morning sickness.

After throwing up everything she ate the night before, Pepper brushed her teeth and begrudgingly put on some nice clothes, painfully parting with Tony's Hendrix Tee. She felt that protective wave of strength wash over her like it did at the start of every day. She hardened inside and out.

Lots to do today. Lots to do every day.

Pepper breathed in courage and breathed out her self-pitying mourning. She took one last look in the mirror to make sure she had erased all signs of distress and then, mostly satisfied, went to face the day.

Before she even made it to the second floor where everyone spent their time handling damage control and future plans, she heard shouting. Rolling her eyes, Pepper took a deep breath and promised herself not to destroy any other parts of the compound today. She did, however, make sure her Iron Armor bracelet was locked onto her right wrist... just in case.

"-locked, locked! It's- Quill! Quill? Gamorrah. Drax. Mantis, anyone?" She heard the raccoon shouting as she hurried into the control room. The walls were covered with monitors and the edges of the room were all lined with computers. One giant monitor cast a shadow over everything. This is where they handled all communications and kept their extensive database. Research, location tracking, monitoring coms, satellite hacking... this is where it all happened.

"What's going on?" Pepper asked Natasha. She wasn't the only one in there with Rocket. It seemed like everyone got the message to come to the control room before she did.

"Rocket thinks his friends' ship entered the signal radius of a satellite and that he can pinpoint its location."

"Uh, I  _know_ I can and it's not my friends' ship if I'm-"

"-the Captain. We get it, Jack Sparrow. So track it." Okoye cut in. The reference stung Pepper... definitely would've been something Tony would say.

Rocket was heavily engaged with a small hand-held monitor that Pepper has seen him glued to often. This wasn't something new- he's been trying to find his ship for a while now. Apparently, there was a whole team that called themselves the "Guardians". Basically, the Avengers equivalent but in space.

This news was good. They needed backup of course, but what Pepper was most excited about was the resources that the Guardians and their ship could bring. The more people who knew about space the better, and a ship... Well, this felt like the closest they've gotten to being able to find Tony.

"The communications are down... That's weird, why would they..."

Rocket muttered, pressing things all over his screen and occasionally calling out for his friends. The entirety of the room stock-still, clutching onto every word Rocket uttered. Pepper wished they could help but space exposition and communication was a little out of everyone's realm of understanding.

"I think they lost power." He finally said more loudly and to the room. "A distress signal was sent out a week ago beforehand... Damnit. DAMNIT."

"Calm, Rabbit. I'm sure they're okay. Can you see where they are?" Thor reasoned. Rocket pinched the screen and typed in some miscellaneous codes. "They're a few hundred miles off of Calurnia. They have an old satellite that's been otherwise cast off but it's still used for free-lance debris gatherering Calurnians."

"You might as well be speaking French here, pal. What does that mean?" Rhodey cut in, his face twisted in confusion.

"It means that it's still picking up the internal tracking signal on my ship."

"We could send a quinjet. I got all the way to Sakaar in one of those things." Bruce offered.

"That could take days, even with interdimensional tunnels and wormholes." Rocket groaned in frustration, still occasionally yelling into his tablet that never answered back.

"Then we take the Bifrost. I can get us to this "Calurnia"."

"Then what?"

"Then we take the quinjet from there."

"You can just zap a whole jet to a planet lightyears away?"

Thor just answered with a cocky swing of his ax and the rise of his eyebrows.

"There's another signal, but I can't- It's not from our ship, it's from inside..." Rocket was muttering. Pepper put a hand on Rhodey's arm to grab his attention.

"I'm going to go make sure we have a quinjet that's space-ready." She told him.

"Do you want help?"

"No, thanks. It'll just take a second."

Before she left, Pepper saw Rocket project his screen onto the giant monitor that hung over the room. It was a jumble of mappings and blinking pinpoints that she didn't even want to begin to try and understand. She gave it one glance before turning and walking towards the exit.

Then...

God... How did she even try to begin to explain it? The feeling that seized her next at the sound of his voice. The single sound she craved more than anything,  _right_ there as if he himself was standing behind her. Chills ran up her arms and neck and Pepper's breath caught in her throat. She couldn't believe it, but she  _had_ to because there it was...

"This thing on?"

Her pounding heart begged her to just burst out into tears right there, but she couldn't move. She was paralyzed, her fists clenched painfully tight- enough for her nails to be digging cuts into her palms.

This couldn't be real. This didn't make sense.

But it had to. It was him. And he was talking  _to her_.

"Hey, Miss Potts."


	4. I Got You: Part 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Pepper does everything she can to get to Tony, despite the fact that he might already be dead. She reminisces on that night that they kissed for the first time.

**\- I Got You: Part 2 -**

She didn't want to turn around. She was terrified of what she would come face to face with. She had to though. How could she not?

He looked exhausted; exhausted, thin, hair a mess and with the darkest circles she had ever seen under his eyes. Terrifyingly, he wasn't far from the visuals she had in her nightmares of Tony dying alone. Now here she was in real life, seeing him projected across a giant screen... dying alone.

Everyone was still in the room, but it felt like it was just him and her. His voice sent shockwaves through her body and made her stomach drop and twist inside of her. She technically was hearing everything he was saying to her, but none of it processed. Her mind went blank and all she could do was stare.

She was slightly aware of everyone's eyes turning to her- probably because of how unreadable her expression was. No one else knew what to do either.

By the end of his message- his terrible, heartbreaking goodbye message- she felt like she was in that ship next to him. All she could think about... all she wanted was to reach out and feel his face. She wanted to kiss his temple and wrap her arms around his neck and be able to tell him that she was there with him... that everything would be fine.

"I love you, my future Mrs. Stark." He said, driving the knife in deeper.

The video feed cut off. The room was bathed in absolute silence. No one moved a muscle. It was like time itself froze at that moment.

"How long ago was this?" Pepper forced the words from her mouth.

"...I don't know.", wasn't exactly the response she needed from Bruce.

Something sparked inside of her that forced her into autopilot. She turned and walked away from the room where her life was just ripped apart.

He said "tomorrow morning" would be his last. But was this message from today? Was it from yesterday? A week ago? Two? The thought that Tony could be dead now and could've been for weeks now without her knowing... it was too much to hold in her mind for long.

She didn't know where she was going until she reached the quinjet and understood her subconsciousness. Without missing a beat, she started stocking it and getting ready for flight. It didn't take long for a crowd of Avengers to crowd around the open hatch of the jet, watching her with unsure glares.

"Bruce, Thor, and Rocket. I need you to be ready to leave in twenty."

No response.

"I need all the medical equipment you can physically fit in here, Bruce."

Cap stepped forward at this point.

"Pepper, we've got this. Honestly, we need you here. The place can't run without you. I can go up with-"

"I can handle myself." She cut in. She averted her eyes from his gaze but she could visualize exactly what it probably looked like right now- the "Captain America Sympathy Smother" Tony always called it. She couldn't face it right now. It'd break her down.

"That's not what I'm saying."

She kept going- checking the oxygen, the backup generators, the emergency kits...

"I don't think Tony would be particularly happy with us if we shipped you into-"

"Tony went and got himself lost in space. It doesn't matter what he's happy about or not." She shut him down briskly.

"Pepper," he tried again. She didn't listen. She pushed past Cap to count the space suits they had on board to see how many more she needed.

"Pepper." He said again, this time reaching out an arm to stop her dead in her tracks. He put a gentle hand on her shoulder and lowered his gaze into her eyes. She wanted to look away but was already too far in.

"What if you don't want to see what's up there?" He asked in a low voice. "What if we're too late?"

Pepper allowed herself to get lost in those circular, blue chasms that questioned her harshly. The thought had crossed her mind. Of course, it did. She just chose to ignore it just like she chose to ignore Steve.

Pushing past him, Pepper left the jet to go get ready.

"I mean it. Twenty minutes." She said, leaving a group of stunned superheroes to exchange glances. Before she left the hanger, the sound of everyone springing into action  _finally_ echoed off the walls.

In her room, she dressed in the specially made under-suit garments that Tony designed if she ever knew she was going to be using her suit. It was a thick skin designed for all types of purposes, mainly regulating body temperature which would prove especially useful in space.

The faster she went, the less she had to stop and think about everything but thoughts still crept in. Tony's face flickered across her mind in unwilling flashes that sent pain through her chest.

_I'm coming, baby. I promise._ She kept thinking. The problem was that she also kept thinking that in the end, it wouldn't matter. In the end, maybe he has been dead all along. She realized the probability was not at all in her favor- Tony had been gone for about two weeks, all during which he could've recorded that message. The chances that the message was recent... well, to say the least, she hated the odds that she was dealt.

For her sake and for his sake, not to mention that baby's sake too, she couldn't accept that. She wouldn't accept anything until she either saw him alive or saw him dead.

It wasn't long before she was quickly walking down the empty hallway of the compound towards the hanger again. Her ponytail grazed the back of her neck with each step until out of nowhere, it felt like her insides collapsed. Technically, her outsides did too.

Pepper fell to the ground in a heap, feeling every repressed emotion rush in on her. She had never felt a pain so intense. It took over her whole body and her mind and there was nothing else- there was nothing except this anguish that sneak-attacked her at that second.

She felt like she couldn't breathe, but somehow she heard herself take a big, stuttering breath in before shrieking at the cold, hard ground underneath her. Her fists were balled up against her chest like they were trying to keep it from bursting open and letting her heart fall out onto the floor.

Pepper managed to pull off a perfect cross between crying, screaming and hyperventilating all at once. This is what she got from pushing things down, she guessed. The only thing she could think of was that image of Tony and how broken his voice sounded. It played in her head over and over and over and-

An arm wrapped around her shoulders and a presence sat beside her. She didn't need to investigate further to know it was Rhodey. They'd been friends for forever now- she knew him well enough.

"You don't have to do this." He told her, leaning in so he could use a low voice. She got her breathing under control the best she could and raised shaking hands to her face to wipe away the tears. "Any of us would be elated to go and give you live updates 24/7."

"If I was in trouble, could you  _ever_ imagine Tony just sitting on the sidelines?" She managed to find her voice. Rhodey smirked.

"No."

"I don't know what the situation is up there." She said, sniffling and taking more deep breaths. "But I'd never stop hating myself for not being there either way."

"I'll go with you then." Rhodey offered. She noticed that he was suited up and ready to go like he had been planning to anyway. "...will you let me?" He asked in a way that was kind of amused by her recent total take-over mode but also genuinely seeking permission.

She nodded.

"Yeah."

She checked out for most of the trip. It was wild to think about their situation- packed up in the back of a quinjet being teleported into space by a god... and she couldn't even be bothered to break from her daze. It was loud, there were a lot of lights and colors outside the windows, and suddenly, darkness... space.

She didn't bother to get a good luck at this planet they landed on. Honestly, she didn't care. There was one thing and one thing only that Pepper was focused on and it was the thought of seeing her fiance alive. She knew it was ridiculous, but Pepper felt like if she envisioned it clearly enough, it would happen. Maybe she was just setting herself up for crippling disappointment, but this vision that she created was all she had to hang onto.

Now as they all barrelled through space in their now-seemingly-tiny quinjet, Tony's words from his message were finally starting to settle into her brain.

_"...I'm not coming home."_ He had said.

_"You're probably sick of hearing that; the apology thing..."_

She hated how guilty he sounded. She thought of every argument they had where she would tell him that she was so tired of the constant apologies and everything he did to accompany them. She hated that it was what he was thinking about in his final hours.

_"That'll be it."_ She heard his voice echo. A tear escaped down her cheek. She saw it in her reflection against the window that she was facing, watching a black canvas with tiny paint specks float by... Space... This is what Tony had been staring at for weeks.

This is what might have been the very last thing he saw at all.

"How long do we have?" Rhodey spoke up as he took a seat next to Pepper.

"A few hours." Rocket responded from the pilot's seat. Rhodey turned to Pepper.

"Maybe get some sleep?"

She shot him a look and he immediately retracted, throwing his hands up.

"Okay, okay. God, I swear you two become each other when you're apart." He said, referring to Tony. She wiped the look of disdain from her features, knowing exactly what he was talking about.

"Sorry... You know, I've calculated the probability in my head." She said, looking down at her hands, knowing this just proved Rhodey's point that she took on a lot of Tony's traits when he was gone. "The message gives us one day to work with and if it could have been recorded as far back as 10 days ago with the fact that he's been out of resources for 4 days, then the chance that he-"

"Don't do that to yourself.

"Everyone's thinking it."

The rest of the people in the plane glanced up at Pepper but quickly looked away again. No one knew how to act around her and she didn't blame them. She didn't know how to act around herself at the moment.

An awkward stillness took over until Thor seemed inclined to break it.

"Do you think he'll like my makeover?" He asked, running a hand through his hair and shaking it out. Bruce chuckled from where he set up machinery the best he could in the space he was given.

"You're not escaping an earful of references if that's what you're hoping for." He said, making everyone smile, even Pepper.

Hours passed and everyone kept the conversation up, trying to fill the empty space... no pun intended. Pepper grew distant again. She kept silent and continued to stare out the window. She wasn't sure if she felt sick from worry or the pregnancy.

If this wasn't the last view Tony ever had, then was he looking at it now? They could be staring at the very same view as she sat there in that exact moment. Was he thinking of her as much as she was thinking about him? Missing her just the same?

Her eyes caught on something that was different from the other shining specks in the darkness. It wasn't just light and it was getting ever so slightly bigger... and bigger... and-

"We're closing in. Everyone get ready."

That was him. That was the ship. Tony was in there- alive or dead. This had been his prison for however long... maybe his coffin.

Pepper squeezed her eyes shut and forced the idea out of her mind.

It felt like they were moving SO SLOW. The ship was in sight, but it was as if her world turned to slow motion. She knew, in reality, they were moving much faster than she could imagine, but in space, everything was so lethargic- in this specific situation, it was killing her.

"Suit up." Rhodey announced to the crew.

"I'll attach the oxygen tanks first so everyone stay out of my way." Rocket instructed, turning the quinjet on autopilot so that he too could pull on a space suit. The raccoon had been uncharacteristically quiet since he found out that his team was nowhere to be found within Tony's message from the Guardian's ship.

"Oh no..." Thor grumbled from beside Pepper. She let her suit form around her body before turning her gaze towards where Thor was looking...

The ship was still there in the distance, but more specs were coming into view.

"Asteroids. Damn it!" Rocket slammed his fist down in frustration. Tony's ship wasn't yet fully immersed in the sea of asteroids, but it seemed like it was headed there. Pepper's stomach dropped.

Great. Another way he could die. Another way they could  _all_ die.

When they were close enough nearly collide with the ship, everyone put their helmets or masks or what-have-you on, save for Thor who claimed he needed 'no such contraption'.

"Rocket, do you know how to open the hatch from the out-"

The ship's hatch opened. Pepper watched it do so from the window. Her heart pounded in her ears. He  _had_ to be alive then, right?

"Here we go." Rocket said, only succeeding in pushing Pepper's nerves further into existence. She felt like she was in line for her first rollercoaster, but multiplied by ten... Plus they were in space, might die, accompanied by a raccoon and god, and her fiance may be dead on that flying piece of machinery.

Again, amazing things happened. Pepper was  _in space_ for a moment, using her suit thrusters to close the five-foot gap between the quinjet and the ship. In the same way as before though, it all passed her by. All she could think about was Tony.

Rocket, Thor, Rhodey and Pepper made it into the ship as Bruce waited for their return on the quinjet, ready if Tony needed medical attention. Once they made it into a small capsulated room, the hatch slowly closed. Another door opened and Rocket ran forward into the ship with an oxygen tank in hand. He disappeared around the corner and after a number of  _clanking_ sounds, a hissing noise filled the otherwise silent air.

The sound crushed Pepper from the inside out... She knew it meant that before they got there, there was no air... no oxygen.

The fact that there was no one in immediate sight terrified Pepper, but a form emerged from one of the ship's wings. She was blue, robotic, and definitely not Tony. She held a knife in each hand defensively.

Before anyone could say anything, Rocket emerged again, his helmet in his hands.

"Rocket!" The blue girl exclaimed.

"Nebula..."

Everyone removed their helmets. Pepper let her mask fall back. The air seemed thin when she first took a breath, but a few inhales proved that it got better in a matter of seconds.

This wasn't good. Something was off. Where was Tony? She was too scared to ask. It didn't matter anyway, because this... Nebula... her eyes fell directly on Pepper, looking at her suit and then in her eyes. Nebula's face went hard.

No, no, no, no, no...

"You're too late."

Everything stopped. In the matter of 3 seconds, Pepper aged at least 3 years.

_No. No, that's not right. Nope._

She kept denying it in her head. She  _refused_ to accept that. She wouldn't. She couldn't.

Pepper pushed forward as her suit fully retracted back into her bracelet band. She didn't know where she was going, but he was here somewhere and she would die before anyone kept her from finding him. If she was only looking for a body at this point then... well, she'd cross that bridge when she came to it.

"Wait!" Thor called after her.

"Pepper-" Rhodey did too.

She barely heard them because that's when she saw him... or what was left of him. She wanted to deny that it was her Tony down there in the cockpit that she recognized from the video, but she knew him. She knew every curve, every angle, every muscle of his body better than her own. It was him. That was him lying lifelessly on the floor.

Pepper rushed down to drop by his side. He was turned on his side facing the giant front windows so that she couldn't see his face. With trembling hands, she gently touched his shoulder and turned him on his back, wanting to scream but not able to pull in the air to do so.

It was only then when her denials started to dissipate. Phrases started to ricochet around her head.

_"That'll be it."_ Tony had said.  _"I won't be coming home."_

_"You're too late."_ Nebula had told them. She tried so hard not to believe, but what was she supposed to do now as she held his dead body in her arms, eyes closed peacefully- his dark irises forever locked away from her.

He looked worse than he did in the video. He was paler. He was thinner. The circles under his eyes were deeper and darker. This was worse than any nightmare could've predicted. This was worse than anything ever.

"Tony..." She whispered, her voice breaking. That same pain from before, the crippling agony that consumed her in a crashing wave- it attacked her and took over everything. Her body, her mind, her movements, her voice. She didn't know who was shaking Tony right now, but it wasn't her. She was trapped in her own body that had reached some kind of frenzied auto-pilot.

"Tony... No, please... Tony." Tears rolled down her face and her voice grew smaller and smaller, raspier and raspier. His body was too limp. It gave in to much to her efforts. His face was too static. Would it stay like that forever now? He'd never smile again. She'd never make him smile.

No, no, no... Please,  _please..._ Pepper didn't know who she was begging in her head but she could only think those two words as if they would magically bring Tony back to life.

This couldn't be happening. She couldn't exist in a world without him. At that moment, she wished that if he couldn't be alive, for her to be dead too. Wherever he was, she wanted to be there. She couldn't bear this. She had never felt this deprived, this alone, this cheated out of their time together.

All this time missing him... When she daydreamed about seeing his eyes again, she didn't mean the dark sockets around them. When she daydreamed about holding his hand, she never meant this limp and lifeless one. When she daydreamed about his lips, she never would've imagined seeing them like this... slightly parted and without breath. When she imagined touching his skin, she didn't mean for it to be ice cold...

...But it wasn't. Pepper laid a hand on the side of his face and it wasn't nearly as cold as she would've expected. An unwanted spark of something... hope?... erupted in her chest.

It was only then when Pepper tuned into Thor and Nebula's conversation.

", five minutes." Nebula was saying.

"What?" Pepper asked, her eyes wide, one hand still on Tony's face and the other clutching his hand.

"It's been about five minutes. Five minutes since the oxygen ran out."

Five minutes since Tony's been dead.

"Fuck. Okay." She whispered under her breath. She could work with this.

Pepper carefully moved him fully onto his back so that he was flat on the floor. If she wasn't pumped so full of adrenaline, she was sure that she'd be terrified right now. She didn't feel it if there was terror there. After the overwhelming agony fell away, the only thing she felt was pure drive.

"Okay. Come on, babe." She whispered, placing her hands over his chest. She started a compression pattern. It wasn't her first time performing CPR, but it was certainly the first time she was performing CPR on someone she knew- someone she loved.

"Make way, make way..." Pepper heard Bruce's voice. He had a bag valve mask in hand.

"Alright, Pepper... Keep going. You're doing great." He reassured her as he dropped to her side. She didn't know how many times or for how long she's been doing this, but every single time she pressed down on his chest and nothing happened- it was a blow to every hope she was clinging to.

"Everyone move." A deep voice commanded. Pepper didn't stop. She wouldn't unless she was manually moved. She didn't have the focus for anything other than the compressions and the sound of the air moving in and out of the BVM that Bruce had pressed over his nose and mouth.

She did end up being manually moved. Hands grabbed her upper arms and pulled her away.

"No! No-" She struggled against what turned out to be Rhodey.

"Wait, Pepper. Hold on." He wrapped his arms around her until she calmed down. The two of them stood there, watching Thor drop to his knees at Tony's side.

"Alright, Thor. Don't come in too hot."

"I'll try my best."

Pepper let herself be totally supported by Rhodey. She couldn't find strength enough to stand. Her whole body was shaking out of control and she was dangerously close to fully freaking out.

"It'll be okay. It'll be okay." Rhodey kept saying in her ear, but she could tell by the waver in his voice that he didn't even fully believe himself. They both lost their best friend.

Thor raised his hands and sparks erupted from his fingertips.

"3...2...1... Go." Bruce instructed. With a pulse and a touch to Tony's chest, Thor shocked him with a reasonable blast. Tony's body convulsed and Pepper's heart caught in her chest- nothing happened from there though.

"Oh my god." Pepper murmured under her breath. This was her waking nightmare. She was living a nightmare. Rhody rubbed her arm.

"Again. 3...2...1... Go."

Another shock.

This time it was different.

Tony's back arched off the ground again, but Pepper  _swore_ she heard him gasp. She couldn't see from where she stood with Thor blocking her vision so she shoved herself off of Rhodey to run around Thor...

And suddenly this nightmare had a good ending.

His eyes opened before they slowly slid closed again, but he continued breathing- no, gasping for air. His chest convulsed with a fit of coughing but she didn't care what he was doing frankly, as long as he was moving.

Pepper covered her face and groaned in relief. She had never had such strong, contrasting emotions in the course of a few hours... or even in the last couple minutes.

She dropped her hands to see Thor and Bruce smile at each other over Tony's body, but the moment was short-lived.

"Thor! We've got an issue out here. These asteroids are right on our ass. I need to hook up the Milano to the quinjet so we can get out of here. Spot me." Rocket's voice projected from the other end of the ship. Thor stood and went to help but not before putting a hand on Pepper's shoulder. He smiled down at her and she put her hand on his.

"Thank you." Was all she could muster. He nodded and then was gone.

"Pepper, I need you over here." Bruce called. She didn't need to be told twice. Pepper dropped to Tony's side again, already noticing the color pigment making its way through his skin again. He still was coughing but not as much as before. She could tell that he was still struggling to get air though.

Pepper took his hand in hers despite the fact that hers were still trembling uncontrollably. Her heart nearly jumped out of her chest when she felt him lightly squeeze her hand back.

"Hey." She breathed, pain still clear in her voice. His eyes half-opened and she saw his dark orbs move to her. She couldn't help but break into a smile. The corner of his lips turned up just a bit before he closed his eyes again.

"You're in space." He whispered, finishing with a few coughs for good measure. From the first syllable out of his mouth, Pepper was a mess of tears. She never thought she'd hear him again. "Why are you in space?"

"Alright, Tony... before catching up, I need to know everything. Give me the run down." Bruce cut in. Tony finally took a flawless deep breath, without any coughing to interrupt.

"Five days... no food and water. Don't know how long without air. My head has probably been knocked around a lot in the last couple weeks and oh, I was stabbed through my side and out my back." He added in at the end, making Pepper's eyes go wide.

"What!?"

"Pepper, I need you to stay calm most of all, okay? You need to keep talking and keep him talking."

"What, why? Is there something wrong?"

"Well, I think the convulsions sliced open that wound he's referring to again. The pool of blood can't be a good sign." Bruce muttered, looking up through the ship at Rhodey. Pepper saw what he was talking about- Tony's shirt was soaking through with blood. "The more blood you lose, the more chance you have of passing out and going comatose, Tony. Understand?"

"No coma. Comas are bad. Got it."

"Rhodey, I need you to go back to the quinjet and get me some stuff. Listen closely..." Bruce demanded before going into a list of equipment and tools. Pepper was focused on Tony and only Tony, still gripping his hand tightly and grazing her nails along his arm.

"Are you really here?" He whispered sadly, opening his eyes ever so slightly again. Pepper let out a stuttering breath.

"I promise. What do I tell you?" She said more assertively than she felt. He smiled, knowing full well. "I got you." She finished, raising his hand up to kiss the back. He groaned happily and she wanted to cry all over again, but this time it was a whole different associated emotion.

"My hero." He said in a mockingly high, swooning voice. She laughed and raised a hand to his forehead, brushing the mess that was his hair out of the way.

Meanwhile, Bruce was pressing some sort of cloth to Tony's side, trying to stunt the bleeding.

"Tony. How are we feelin'?" He checked in, nervously glancing up at his friend who still laid pretty still on the floor.

"Pretty tired, Doc. You sure I can't-"

"No! In fact, get those eyes open." Bruce interjected. Tony sighed in disappointment and forced himself to follow Banner's orders, blinking away from the light at first, despite the fact that there was so little.

Luckily Rhodey returned with lights and a hoard of medical stuff like sticking, gauze, scapels, and whatnot.

"Thor's out there  _pushing_ asteroids away. The smaller ones, but I mean, woah-"

"Rhodey, I need more light. Now." Banner halted his chatter.

"No, no. You're not doing that here." Tony argued, shaking his head as much as his lack of strength would allow. Suddenly, the ship jolted from underneath them and everyone was shifted sideways forcibly. Pepper made sure not to let go of Tony's hand. She didn't care what happened from then on- she'd never let go again, no matter what.

"Shit!" Rhodey exclaimed, knocking into a wall and then moving to a window.

"Asteroid?"

"Yeah. It grazed the quinjet. Rocket's got the two crafts attached."

"Damage?"

"Nothing critical."

Bruce nodded and got back to preparing Tony's wound that Pepper tried to avert her eyes from.

"Great. So we can go wherever we're going, right? I've had this for weeks and have been fine and dandy." Tony still tried to argue again Bruce messing with the hole in his torso.

"Tony, I have to do something until I can get you back to the compound."

"Thor can get us there now, can't he?" Rhodey asked, but Rocket cut in soon over the coms.

"Uh, I don't think Thor's going to be doing anything anytime soon."

"What do you mean?" Pepper asked, starting to panic all over again. They couldn't die now. This couldn't all be for nothing.

"He got blindsided. Smashed between an asteroid and the quinjet. He's fine, just a little... well, a  _lot_ unconscious."

Bruce raised his eyebrows as if to say "see what I mean". Tony turned worried eyes up to Pepper, begging her to not let it happen but she knew they didn't have much of a choice.

"I'm right here." She told him. Their eyes locked and stayed like that for a bit like they were having a conversation purely through gaze. His eyes said about a billion things right then, and she knew hers did the same. His eyelids started to droop though, and as hard as it seemed he was trying to fight it, Tony was fading.

"No, no, no... Babe..." Pepper lightly gripped his jaw and moved his head side to side to shake him awake. He forced his eyes open again. "Hey, tell me about the night of the expo. The rooftop. The first time we kissed."

She loved the way that he couldn't help but smile every time she mentioned it. Nearly ten years had gone by now, and it still made him giddy. She couldn't say it didn't affect her in the same way.

"I was pretty high off of adrenaline... Plus the fact that I wasn't dying anymore was pretty great."

"Hm. Sounds familiar."

"Funny, Potts."

"So... Go on."

Tony smiled again, turning his eyes to the ceiling like he was remembered. He rolled his head to look at her again, giving her hand a squeeze.

"And I just kept thinking, I have another chance. I should do it right. I should stop being a pussy."

Pepper scoffed.

"And then... You quit. You tried quitting, for the, like, million-billionth time."

"Watch it, bud."

"Anyway, I figured I kind of  _had_ to do it then. You'd either stay or you'd still hate me and I'd lose you forever and be alone and depressed. I kind of preferred the former."

"I didn't hate you."

"I was a little scared you did for a bit after the brutal shut down in your office earlier that day."

She was about to comment and poke at his insanely impressive ability to bring back old arguments, but he was nearly asleep before she could even open her mouth. She was about to call out for him to wake up, but it was unnecessary. Bruce did something to make him jerk awake, gasping and shying away.

"The fuck-"

"Keep talkin'. Stay still." Bruce said, pressing a cloth soaked in some sort of antibacterial solution to Tony's wound. He winced and squeezed Pepper's hand.

"Tony, come on. Concentrate. Keep going."

"Sorry, gorgeous. Uh... Oh yeah. I've never been that scared up until that point. When we kissed though... I don't know, it was more of a relief than nervousness. Like I had been waiting my whole life for it, missing it even though I had always been too dumb to go for it."

Pepper smiled, knowing exactly what feeling he was talking about. It brought her back ten years to that night where her life changed in the best possible way.

* * *

_She stood in front of him, much closer than she usually would be comfortable with. Pepper shivered when a night breeze blew by, whipping the hair that she let down around her. Her body went rigid at his first touch- the feel of gentle fingertips on her bare arms. They slid forward and turned into hands that ran up and down her skin, warming and protecting her from the wind._

_Pepper fought against her reflex to pull away and let herself relax under Tony's touch. Something possessed her to even lean back into him, not feeling the least bit guilty for relishing in the touch of his chest against her shoulder blades._

_She couldn't believe this was happening. They_ kissed _. Tony. Tony Stark. She kissed Tony Stark._

_The car started pulling around the corner in the distance. Tony let his hands fall from her arms so that he could gather the tattered bits of Iron Man suit next to him. Happy pulled up, looking exhausted as they felt._

_"Where's Natashalie?" Tony asked casually, stuffing the worse-for-wear parts into the trunk that Happy jumped out to open. Pepper narrowed her eyes at him. Obviously Tony knew something about Natalie that they didn't. He better not think he was off the hook- just because Pepper was fanatically elated (and also reasonably terrified) about whatever was happening between her and Tony (finally), it didn't mean he escaped a hoard of questions to answer._

_Dead. Tony almost died... somehow. The thought of him slowly fading away totally alone really frightened her. Not to mention, she_ kind of  _hated herself for not noticing. She realized on multiple occasions that he was being weird, sure, but that's nothing new for Tony._

_"I- what? I just dropped her off. And Tony, I don't think she's just a normal-"_

_"Golly. You know, Hap. You're probably right. Miss Potts?" Tony tiredly interrupted, proceeding to hold open the back door for Pepper. She would've given him grief for his ornery sarcasm but she was too tired. Honestly, all three of them were probably feeling a little strung out. She climbed in the backseat and Tony went around to the other side._

_Pepper was hoping for a quiet ride back to the jet, but it was anything but- Happy being the culprit._

_"We got there and she was trying to get me to stay in the car and I just kept going 'Hell no, I'm not staying in the car' so I followed her in and there was this big guy, right? Really big fella..."_

_Pepper stole a look at Tony who sat a seat apart from her against the opposite window. He was rubbing his hands over his face tiredly, eventually swinging an irritated glance over to Pepper who couldn't help but smirk. Happy kept on babbling without missing a beat._

_Tony's lips turned up into a smile too, his eyes bright with a new spark amidst his obvious fatigue. Her heart stopped for a second, all because she knew that it was for her._

* * *

"I just wanted to hold you and go to sleep SO. BAD." Tony muttered, recalling their annoyance with Happy's intrusions on their moment. "We had so much to clear up though."

* * *

_With a yawn, Tony let himself slide down until his head was on her lap, his face turned up towards her with an admiring, slightly amused gaze. His head cocked to the side just a bit and his eyes narrowed slightly like he was observing her every feature. She loved that look he wore so often- curiosity? Fascination, maybe?_

_Pepper's heartrate involuntarily picked up. She wanted to believe she could be cool about this. After all, it was Tony. She's known him for years- seen him at his worst, seen him at his best. She wasn't as close to anyone else as she was to him. Still- every movement, every look, every breath... everything he was doing was making her feel light-headed._

_Allowing her instincts to take over, the ones she has always pushed down until now, Pepper let her fingertips touch his forehead and trace down the bridge of his nose. Both of them were in a strange trance- a stand-still. The rest of the world may have kept moving but there were stuck there in that moment, not willing to ever come back to reality._

_Pepper traced over his cheekbone lightly until she reached his hairline, combing her fingers through his wind-swept locks. He closed his eyes happily, a resting face of contentment washing over him. She didn't often see that with Tony._

* * *

"I think that's when I realized that there was nothing I love more than you playing with my hair." He said, shuddering when Pepper reached forward brush more hair from his face. He suddenly grunted and jerked away though, not because of Pepper but because of Bruce once again.

Pepper glanced down to see that Banner had a needle out with thick stitching thread coming out the end. He prodded at Tony's skin, but couldn't poke it through when Tony moved away.

"Tony-"

"I- No. I haven't put anything in my body in days and you said you don't want me sleeping. This will knock me out, I'm telling you. I'm already fading." Tony argued Bruce.

"You're running the risk of bleeding out, Tony."

"It feels like your prodding me with a hot iron poker."

"Because it's probably infected and irritated."

"No, Bruce. Don't-"

Tony screamed, but Rhodey jumped forward to hold him down before he could jerk away again. Pepper sighed sadly and kept her hand in his hair, tracing circles on his scalp with her fingertips.

"You fell asleep in the car." She said, trying to bring him back in while Bruce continued to stitch him up. Tony was having trouble concentrating and with every tug of the stitching that Bruce made, his face got paler and he seemed dangerously close to passing out.

* * *

_Continuing to run her hands through his hair, his breathing slowed enough for her to wonder if he had fallen asleep. Pepper didn't know that your heart being crushed could be a feeling considered in a positive sense, but that's the best way she could describe it. She was so happy with him in her lap at that moment that her heart actually_ hurt  _with intense pressure. She didn't mind at all._

_"...right in the mouth, I'm telling you. It was nuts. And wait, hold on, I forgot to add- At one point he-" Happy's voice trailed off. Pepper didn't need to glance in the rearview mirror to know that he finally glanced back there. She wasn't sure what she'd say even if she wanted to say anything at all. "...uh. Did I miss something?"_

_Eyes still closed, a smile spread across Tony's face, infecting Pepper to follow suit. Neither said anything._

_"At one point he_ what,  _Hap?" Tony asked, willing for Happy to carry on with his harrowing tale and drop his other inquiries. It was quiet for a while. Pepper watched Happy try to contemplate on his own. Slowly, he moved on, obviously still distracted._

_They pulled up to the jet, but Tony was most definitely dead to the world at this point... maybe that wasn't the best analogy right now._

_Happy started to get out._

_"Can you grab the suit? Go on without us. I'll see if I can get him up."_

_Happy gave them another weird look._

_"...please not in the back of my car..." he muttered under his breath._

_"Tony," Pepper called in a low voice once they were alone. She ran her thumb over his forehead, admiring his features. This was different than anything she's ever experienced- her past relationships have all started with unfamiliarity._

_Tony was different though because she knew every feature of his face already. The same with his hair, the smell of his cologne and his distinct mannerisms. She fell in love with them a long time ago. She fell in love with_ him  _a long time ago. The realization hit her hard, crippling her movements._

_Eyes open, Tony was looking up at her now. His smile spread across up his face, even reaching his eyes through their happy gleam. God, she loved seeing him this happy._

_"The jet's ready."_

_40,000 feet in the air, finally en route home, Pepper dug around in the plane's medical kit, pulling out sanitary cloths to wet with warm antibacterial soap and water. She took Tony's arm and gently turned it to better see the laceration on his bicep. Pressing the cloth to the bleeding cut, she patiently paused when he gasped and tensed away._

_"You know you don't have to-"_

_"Shush and sit still."_

_He watched her intensely the entire time. She didn't give in and look back. She stayed focused on pressing a dry cloth to his arm, stopping the bleeding. It was quiet but the air was so heavy with a tension between them that she couldn't help but smirk._

_"Are you trying to smolder me to death?"_

_"I'm just thinking, Potts. Don't put me on trial."_

_She chuckled._

_"What are you thinking about, 'Stark'?"_

_"Oh, just how you used to pop your cork if I got as much as a papercut and now you're really-" Tony interrupted himself with a hiss as Pepper tightly tugged a bandage around his flesh wound. "-gettin' in there."_

_"Mm. That's quite the overstatement and yeah, you become desensitized to these things when your boss can't seem to keep himself from near-death on the day-to-day."_

_"Valid point."_

_Pepper finished up and they allowed the sound of the aircraft to be the only thing that filled the air. When she did, her heart clenched. Now she had nothing to distract her from those eyes that were still seemingly slicing through her soul. She had to face him and..._ this.  _Whatever_ this  _was._

_But first..._

_"Tony?"_

_"Mhm?"_

_Pepper looked up to catch his gaze that was already there waiting for her. Any hint of her smile faded._

_"How- I just- Well, why- I-"_

_"Pep,"_

_"Okay. How in the_ fuck  _were you dying?"_

_She didn't know where the anger came from. It must've been buried somewhere beneath all that saturated, teenage-like giddiness that came from her current obsession with her and Tony's new venture but the stress was there, and it was clawing its way back out._

_"Yeah, I-"_

_"And why, if I might add, would you not tell me?"_

_"Hey- unfair. I_ tried.  _I tried multiple times and-"_

_"Then try harder! Holy crap, Tony. If you would've just let yourself fade away and some random-ass Tuesday I'd wake up and get a call that you were found dead, alone in the mansion-"_

_"Okay, baby-"_

_On a normal occasion, Pepper would've been taken off guard by his seemingly instinctual use of the pet name, but in her frenzy, it went right through her. Maybe it was surprisingly natural. A lot of what was happening between them in the past hour had come surprisingly natural._

_"OR I could've walked in, expecting to talk about something dumb like last year's reports and I'd come to find you unmoving, not breathing, cold-"_

_"Pepper, Pepper, Pepper." Tony tried to reasonably calm her. He put his hands on her upper arms and gently pulled her forward so that their foreheads were touching. She let out an exasperated breath and let him, closing her eyes at the contact._

_"...I'm sorry." He whispered. She knew Tony. She knew him enough to know that out of the billions of apologies she got from him each day, this one was the most sincere._

_It was quiet for a while. They sat like that for a bit- Tony rubbing circles over her shoulders with his thumb. Finally, he spoke up again._

_"Can I be honest?"_

_"Oh,_ now  _you want to be honest?"_

_He sat back from her just so that he could give Pepper a look. She sighed and gave a half-smile._

_"Sorry. Go."_

_Tony just stared. Then he took a stuttering breath in and diverted his eyes. It felt like years went by in the course of ten seconds._

_"I'm kind of terrified right now." He returned his eyes to hers as he said it and it hit her how honest he was being. His dark orbs somehow looked like they were deeper than normal- like they were pleading her for... something. Her heart dropped at the sight._

_Her instant instinct was to reach forward and gently touch his face with her fingertips. He closed his eyes and the worry melted from his features. She ran her thumb over his cheekbone and under his eye. By the time she made it over the ridge of his nose and to his eyebrow, his eyes slowly opened._

* * *

"I was so scared." He said when Bruce gave him a break to breathe. "I thought for sure it was too good to be true- that you would change your mind at any second."

"How long before you felt confident I was in it for the long haul?"

"At least a week." He admitted. Pepper frowned at the thought of him constantly afraid of her leaving him for that long... It was sweet in a way that also made her sad, even after all this time.

What else did he never tell her?

* * *

_"Don't- Don't change your mind on me or freak out or anything." He said in the lowest voice possible while still making it above whispering. Pepper clenched her jaw and looked down. It hurt her to realize how afraid he was that she'd leave him hanging. She didn't blame him, really- they've been doing this dance for a while now. She was in it for real this time though, and she was determined to prove it to him for however long needed._

_"Promise me you're not dying."_

_"Cross my newly electromagnetic heart!" He suddenly perked up._

_"What-"_

_But Tony was already pulling up his shirt before she could question him. She was afraid of what he could possibly be showing her but relieved when not much changed. The arc reactor was different for sure, and suddenly everything made more sense._

_He went into a long explanation of the palladium poisoning his blood- watching the toxicity percentage rise with every passing day. Pepper stayed silent the whole time. What was she supposed to say to that anyway? Finding out Tony was slowly dying and that he kept it to himself until his final days made her throat close up. She looked away as he told the rest of his experience, not able to meet his gaze._

_When he finished, she stayed still._

_"So... What are you- What's goin' on in there." He lightly tapped her head. "You're killin' me, Potts."_

_She was stuck in a mind loop- thinking of all the ways her life would change if Tony was no longer in it._

_She'd never hear his voice again- especially the way it dipped low and rumbly in the early mornings before he had coffee._

_His workshop would be abandoned- everything still laid out as he left it but never to be touched again, forever collecting dust unless someone came and took it away to God knows where._

_The mansion would get huge and emptier than ever. The walls would never echo back his favorite ACDC or Black Sabbath tracks._

_His shirts and suits and graphic tees would hang on their hangers like empty carcasses. Where would they go? Would they be donated? Would other people walk around in his things like they were their own? Like he never existed?_

_Before Pepper could get any further in her thoughts (because she was sure she'd start crying right there and then), she did the only thing she could think to do- the only thing she_ wanted  _to do._

_She flashed her attention back to Tony and kissed him. Her throat didn't feel so tight anymore and the heaviness in her chest lifted. It was amazing how fast contact with him made the bad thoughts dissipate in seconds._

_Tony seemed pretty satisfied with this response, sliding a hand up from her hip to her ribcage. She wasn't sure how much time went by, but she didn't really care. At one point, however, she did hear Happy shift in his seat at the front of the jet._

_"Yep. Definitely missed something." He muttered in disbelief._

_Before the kiss got too intense, because it was certainly getting there, Pepper pulled back to look him in the eyes. They were softer now. They were the eyes that she could pick out anywhere, flecked with curiosity, admiration, and daring._

_"Do you have wine?"_

_His eyebrows raised in surprise and he sat back, his eyes narrowing as he thought about it._

_"Uh..._ _Champy Clos de Vougeot,_ _32 Winds Cab, Dom Perignon..." He started listing. "La Mission Haut Brion." Tony said in a mock, overexaggerated french accent, making her laugh._

_"Sorada Cab?" He asked knowingly, an eyebrow raised in question. A smile crept over her face. He surprised her with sweet moments like this sometimes, remembering things she'd never guess he took notice of like in this case, her favorite wine._

_Her expression must've been answer enough._

_"Mm. Yeah. Sorada Cab it is." He decided definitively._

_The rest of the plane ride was spent hand in hand with Pepper's head on Tony's shoulder. The car ride back to the mansion was spent in the same way, and even when they walked through the front door, Tony still wouldn't let go of her hand. He led her inside to the middle of the living room._

_She had been in and out of this house for years now, but never did it feel like this. Everything was different with her hand in his. It wasn't just the place she worked anymore- maybe it was always a little more than that, but it was without a doubt more than that now._

_"I'll go get that wine. Sit tight." He said, kissing her cheek. He started to walk away towards the kitchen. Neither of them could let go of their grip on each other at first, their arms outstretched to keep their hands grasped for as long as they could. Finally, his fingers slipped away and he disappeared into the next room._

_How could she possibly miss him so much when he was still only twenty feet away?_

_Something immediately distracted her- a sound coming from the basement, like a crash. Pepper frowned and looked back at the kitchen. Tony was pulling down a bottle of wine, unknowingly._

_She took it upon herself to make her way down the dark stairs to his workshop, expecting... Well, she never quite knew what to expect down there._

_This though... Never in a million years would she expect THIS especially._

_He cut his workshop in half... literally. There was a deep, horizontal slice through the cement wall and anything else that was in the way. Chopped up debris laid strewn across the floor. A huge, metal tube made a perimeter around half of the giant room._

_"Woah, woah. Be careful." She heard Tony's voice as his footsteps echoed down the stairs behind her. "Watch where you're stepping_ _."_

_She ignored him, staring straight forward without moving. This was insane even for him, but somehow, it wasn't the craziest thing that night._

_"I'll um- Yeah, don't worry about this. Here." He said, moving in front of her and manually wrapping her arms around his neck. He bent down a bit so she would give in and let him pull her into a piggy-back ride. She giggled and rested her cheek in his hair as he stepped over shards of who-knows-what to start ascending the stairs again._

_"Tony- Tony! Jesus." She shrieked, gripping onto him tightly when he ran and slid across the glossy living room floor in his socks, Pepper still captive on his back. He lowered her onto the couch, collapsing next to her. She chuckled and shook her head._

_"Haven't you whipped me around enough tonight?"_

_"Saved your life more like it." He joked with a cocky glance. "Of course I'm the reason you were in such a situation in the first place, but I think we can just overlook that. Do you want a change of clothes? Get comfy? I probably have sweats that would fit okay."_

_"I have stuff." She said, getting up and making her way towards a guest room down the hall where she knew she had some casual clothes stashed away. She could feel his perplexed gaze on her the whole way._

_"You... 'Have stuff'?"_

_"Yeah."_

_"Oh."_

_Pepper opened the closet in the perfectly clean and mostly-untouched bedroom, pulling out her own sweat pants and a tight t-shirt._

_"Waiting for an occasion, Potts?" He called from down the hall. She smirked and rolled her eyes to herself, undressing and pulling the dusty pink tee over her head._

_"If by 'occasion' you mean staying over at your boss's house when he gets too trashed to make sure he doesn't choke on his own puke or something, then yeah. A_ really  _special occasion." She called back._

_"Yikes."_

_"Yeah."_

_Finally dressed down, Pepper made her way back to the living room where Tony was pouring them both a glass of wine._

_"I mean... You haven't stayed in years though, right? Rhodey's birthday a while back, I think. Ugh, I still feel sick thinking about it."_

_"I think I've stayed over at least fifteen times since then."_

_Tony stopped pouring. She fell into the seat next to him, pulling her legs up to sit crisscrossed. He looked at her in disbelief._

_"What?"_

_"Do you know how often you call me when you're blackout drunk?"_

_"Uh..."_

_"Every time. Every time, Tony." She quickly interjected. "And honestly, I'm glad you do. After you almost died on Rhodey's birthday, I keep my phone on high volume on nights where I know you can't end up being left alone."_

_Tony sat back and thought about that, looking forward in dazed thought._

_"Oh. I- how have I never-"_

_"By the time I get over her you're already either passed out somewhere... if I'm lucky, you already made it to your bed... or you locked yourself in the bathroom, throwing up everything left in your body."_

_"Not my most attractive moments, I'll admit." He scrunched up his face._

_"Either way, you're always way past remembering anything. I somehow manage to get you to bed, turn you on your side just in case; sometimes I'd stay a bit and sit with you if it was especially bad."_

_Pepper could remember some of those nights so vividly now. She'd get him to lie on his side in his bed and sit on the edge, holding a cold washcloth to his forehead. She was always angry at him when he got that way, to say the least, but it wasn't going to stop her from worrying even moreso. On the particularly bad nights, he'd have mini convulsions and everything. It scared the shit out of her. There were many times where she almost called an ambulance. She did find out, however, that running her fingers through his hair would calm him down and slow the spasms and intense shaking._

_Yeah those nights were rough on the both of them and she wanted to stay mad, but how could she when she got to be so close to him and wonder if maybe there'd be a day when she could do this without him being drunk out of his mind..._

_Pepper decided to leave that part out._

_"And then I stay in the room down the hall. J.A.R.V.I.S lets me know if you're in danger of dying or... whatever else could happen. Who knows when it comes to you."_

_Tony sat on that for a little bit. Pepper could tell there was guilt there. Maybe a little bit of confusion. Probably a lot of surprise when realizing that this all had been going on for the past few years and he had no idea._

_"Honestly though... Maybe it's messed up, but I... I kind of like when I heard my phone ring at 3 AM."_

_Tony turned an inquisitive smile her way._

_"I mean, not the fact that you were plastered into oblivion, but... Having any reason to come here was- I don't know. I was okay with it." She admitted, cradling her wine in her hands and looking forward. How weird this was- to admit everything she's kept a secret from him for so many years._

_Tony took the wine glass from her hands and set it down on the coffee table, doing the same with his. She gave him a questioning look, but let him pull at her waist until she was sitting on the couch sideways, her back to him. He sat sideways too. He started massaging his hands over her shoulders and down her back._

_"Do I look that tense?"_

_"You always look tense."_

_Tony paused for a second._

_"Like... Tense in a beautiful, sexy way, I mean. Like... Super hot, stressful tense-" He hurriedly tried to correct himself._

_Pepper laughed and leaned back into him to tell him to continue._

_"So is there anything else I'm unaware of you doing for me over the past few years?"_

_"It's probably best not to lay it all on you at once."_

_"Fantastic." He said sarcastically._

_A beat of silence passed._

_"I will say, I didn't enjoy chasing the strippers out." She finally said because she finally felt like she had to. Tony's hands fell from her shoulders and wrapped around her waist from behind. His whole body collapsed over her back, his head falling into the curve of where her neck met her shoulder. He groaned._

_"I was wondering when that'd come up. And they weren't... They weren't ALL strippers..."_

_"That seems to be a little far from the point, doesn't it?"_

_Tony sighed into her neck and tightened his grip around her, pulling her in close to him. Pepper smiled sadly and turned to press a kiss into his hair._

_"Is that why this took so long?"_

_"What?"_

_"Us."_

_"Tony, there are a plethora of reasons as to why 'this' took so long."_

_He was still and quiet, still embracing her firmly like she might disappear. She took it as a sign to continue. That was what tonight was about anyway, wasn't it? Getting everything in the air, finally? No more secrets? Cutting all their bullshit to finally start the healthy(ish) relationship that they both have always wanted?_

_"I mean, yeah that was a big one. It didn't feel particularly good to walk in and see a new woman... or multiple women... every morning. And the other reasons... Well, the irresponsibility and accountability were_ incredibly  _frustrating."_

_"Okay. Fair. Continue."_

_"I wasn't actually sure if you had the capability of truly caring about anyone but yourself."_

_"Ouch."_

_"Meaning a while ago." She added quickly, running her fingertips along the arm snaked around her torso. "You were my boss and constantly in the public eye."_

_"Not my fault. That one's not my fault." He quickly cut in, almost excited to find something that wasn't on him._

_"No, that wasn't your fault." She agreed. She took a deep breath. "That one was my fault... for caring about that in the first place."_

_"Totally reasonable, Pep." He raised his head to rest his chin on her shoulder now. She went on.  
_

_"And then when I thought that_ maybe  _you were different enough to- whatever- This... palladium thing happens and you freak out and push me away. Start acting weird, acting out, and the cherry on top-"_

_"Natalie." Tony finished for her._

_"Natalie." She confirmed. "Or Natasha or whoever the hell she is."_

_"You know she was purely to make you jealous."_

_"Mm. Thanks."_

_"It got your attention didn't it?"  
_

_"Until you took it too far."_

_Silence again._

_"I've gotta admit, I'm not too great at this kind of stuff."_

_"You seem to be doing okay so far." Pepper teased, but with truth in her smirk. He kissed from her collarbone to her jawline. The contact along with his warm breath against her skin made her shiver._

_"Why did you stick around so long?" He finally asked._

_"Oh, you know..." She started, closing her eyes and relishing the fact that he continued kissing her skin. "A little bit of your disgustingly adorable charm... I felt bad too. I could tell you were lonely and I was at a place where I somewhat understood."_

_Tony stopped his movements, now fully invested in her words._

_"Despite all your BS, I was always impressed by how you could pull through and get done what you needed to get done. I loved watching you work. I loved your passion. And maybe... Maybe I did love that you were kind of a mess."_

_"Heh. Kind of."_

_"Yeah... I wasn't sure how you got along before me, honestly. Also... those eyes helped a bit too." She turned her body so that they could face each other again because upon mentioning them, she missed those deep brown orbs._

_Tony smiled and raised a hand to rest on the side of her neck, pulling their foreheads together._

_She wasn't sure how long they made out for after that, but before she knew it, her back was against the couch cushions and Tony hovered over her, kissing down her jawline. Her left hand tangled in his hair and her right snuck underneath his t-shirt and over his abdomen._

_This was weird. This was SO weird but at the same time, it was the least-weird thing she's ever done. Occasionally, she would get a split second of nerves that washed over her but then Tony would nuzzle her neck or kiss her to bring her back and she'd melt all over again._

_At some point, it got increasingly heated. He was pressed flush against her now and it was driving her crazy. Her head was spinning and she was incapable of thinking of anything else other than Tony..._

* * *

"And then what?" Pepper urged him on. Bruce was stitching into him again. He gripped her hand painfully tight, but she didn't mind.

"And then... nothing. We stopped." Tony said, recalling the night further. "I said I was scared of messing it all up- of pushing to fast."

"And that's the point where I knew I was 100% in."

"Yeah?"

"Uh-huh."

Tony smiled despite his pain, closing his eyes.

"Just for a second." He said, wanting to rest. His grip started to loosen.

"No- hey- Then what, babe?"

"Uh... Um... You fell asleep lying on top of me and so did I... after another hour of our 'tell-all' session."

SLAM.

The ship was shoved aside in a rough collision with an asteroid, jolting them all sideways. Pepper held onto Tony's wrist and tried to keep them both grounded.

"Shit..." Bruce muttered. Trying to fix what progress he lost.

"Thor's coming to... I think..." Rocket updated them from the other wing of the ship.

Pepper tried to give Tony's hand a squeeze, but he didn't respond. His eyes were closed again and he wasn't stirring.

"Tony," she called to him. Pepper shook his shoulder. "Tony."

"Stark." Banner joined in, but nothing worked. Pepper's heart stopped all over again.

"No, no..." She shook him again.

"I love you." He whispered, his eyes still closed. "And I'm glad you came."

Pepper's throat closed up again. Her chest collapsed again. Tears threatened to escape again.

"Stop. Tony, don't-"

"We're losing him,"

* * *

Tony kissed her forehead for what felt like the thirtieth time that day. They hadn't moved an inch since they got there the day before- Tony didn't remember it of course. They brought him in unconscious and barely alive. The last thing he did remember was fading away on that damn ship but this time, with Pepper at his side. He was sure he'd die there- he felt it. This go-around, he had a little easier time accepting it though.

Luckily, by some miracle, he did wake up again and it was still at Pepper's side. This time it was back in the comfort of the compound that he craved to see again.

At some point (he didn't know when) Pep had climbed into the infirmary bed with him and snuggled up to his chest, still steering clear of his wound that was finally stitched up and on the mend.

Speak of the devil, she finally stirred after many continuous hours of sleep. They hadn't both been conscious at the same time since Thor blasted them all back to Earth with his rainbow sparkles or whatever.

"Well, hiya." He said, brushing her hair out of her eyes. His arm was wrapped tightly around her so that she couldn't ever go too far, even if she tried.

He was so insanely proud of her, especially after the stories he heard from Rhodey about her taking control of the whole facility- he wasn't surprised exactly- she handled Stark Industries after all. Just her resilience in the face of everything breaking apart... she was stronger than he'd ever be.

"How are you feeling?" She muttered, tiredly smiling and kissing his jawline.

"Like a weak pancake."

"I see."

Tony closed his eyes and pulled her in closer so that she could lay her head under his chin on his collarbone.

Tony didn't want to ever let her go now that he had her again.

It reminded him of that feeling he got when they laid down together for the first night ever back in the day. That feeling of loving her so much he could just meld into her forever and be alright.

So, yeah. He meant it when he said he wouldn't let go.

Not now.

Not then.

Not ever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This might be the longest chapter I've ever written. Anyway, thank you so much to those of you who have submitted feedback thus far. I LOVE reading the comments and knowing others are enjoying the work. It makes it worth doing!
> 
> The next chapter will be up ASAP. Don't worry- there eventually will be a chapter where Pepper officially tells Tony about the baby.


	5. Apologies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SPOILERS

So first of all, Endgame SPOILERS below... 

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I have no words. I was afraid of this happening which is why I couldn't face the end of this fic and I'm so sorry about that! 

Some of you may understand and some of you may not... but after ten years of Tony being front and center in my life and writing AS him and exploring his character so deeply, he definitely became part of me. He's saved me from myself in my darkest times and I'm not quite sure how to move on from the loss of something like that. 

I don't know how I'll feel in a week or two weeks, but it's possible that I may finish this fic and it's possible it may be too painful. 

I'd DEFINITELY like to write a fic where Tony is actually alive but faked his death to preserve his quiet life with his family and how he reveals this to Peter and yada, yada... Again, I just can't do it yet. 

I hope I can come back to this fic and write how I wanted the movie to end. You guys have been so kind and supportive of my writing. 

If anyone would like to talk, I'm here. I'd appreciate being able to converse with others who understand because I know all my friends and family think I'm a freak for letting this damage me so much. 

Thanks, everyone <3

**Author's Note:**

> TABLE OF CONTENTS
> 
> 2\. Version 1- Believe Me  
> Tony can't believe he's made it back home.
> 
> 3\. Version 2- I Got You  
> Pepper takes it upon herself to be 'Rescue' in more ways than one.
> 
> 4\. Version 3- Shoot To Thrill  
> Tony makes a surprise, bad-ass entrance right in the middle of an Avengers Battle. He and Cap finally bury the hatchet.
> 
> 5\. Version 4- Amnesia  
> Death by suffocation can do a lot to a man's brain... 4-years-worth to be exact.
> 
> Possibly more to come!


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